The Cartoon Rating Guide for Smart Adults: v3.8a 12-05-2010 Why watch cartoons if you're an adult? Because cartoons often have the best scores, most interesting plots and/or most humorous dialogue, and the most accomplished "cinematography" of any visual media. The best are stunning works of art and imagination with gorgeous matte landscapes. This is a rating guide, not a review book -- its purpose is to quickly alert you to animation you may never have heard of; consult elsewhere for extended analyses. It is skewed from the perspective of an adult animation fan -- a lowly-rated show may be immensely enjoyable for children and even well-made, but couldn't captivate my attention; a highly-rated show will be competently-made, but may or may not be enjoyable for or even marketed to (or even appropriate for) children. If a show has English-language versions, those are the versions I have likely watched. A cartoon with great writing and voice-casting but average animation will score higher on this list than a show with top-notch animation but mediocre scripting and voices, or an extremely well-made show marketed to children. This list covers mainly animated television series, although some films are included, and one "webtoon". I have not seen every episode of some shows rated 7 and lower and many episodes of shows rated 5 or lower; indicated ratings may change if I see new episodes of better or worse quality than those previous, or if repeated viewings "warm" or "sour" my opinion, or if many better or worse other shows are added to the list which alter the bell-curve landscape. Note: There are literally hundreds of mediocre-to-terrible shows that are not presently on this list, including a lot of uninspired anime and "dumbed down" kiddie toons of low or no interest to the smart adult; I haven't created this list to exhaustively include them all. Anything rated at least "5" is in the category of "average show worth watching once for the cartoon buff, provided you have time"; you probably won't watch re-runs, however, until a decade or three have gone by. A typical "5" cartoon features arch-type characters and villains, with serviceable if unexceptional dialogue, animation and plots. "4"s and lower feature too much bad animation, one-dimensional characters, lousy voice-acting, plot-holes, dumbed-down or just plain stupid writing and spastic slapstick for this adult reviewer to stomach -- although "target" audiences will like many of them, and some individual episodes may be fantastic (many adult-oriented spoof comedies fall into this category). "3"s and lower will have the smart adult scrambling for the remote. "6"s and "7"s feature more charismatic characters, more innovative drawing and intelligent scripting than average, and anything rated "8" or better is likely to pull you in to watching a re-run while you're channel-flipping, even if it's well-memorized already. Anything rated "9" is truly exceptional, and perfect in nearly every way. "10"s are reserved only for those shows which, IMO, will become or already are timeless classics. "11"s are simply phenomenal; you'll feel empty inside after finishing the last episode and realizing that there aren't any more. Highly-rated shows generally have unique and memorable musical scores associated with them. Make an effort to see every "9" and up before you croak, and most 7s and 8s. Q. Where do I find the latest CRGFSA? A. It is always posted within a cartoon torrent as an "Easter Egg". Try http://tinyurl.com/697hsd or http://shorl.com/pabrofrijetimy A torrent search-engine capable of scanning files is your best bet. Look inside the least-old torrents for the text file. Avoid "sponsored" results (spam/malware redirects). (Note that torrent files are occasionally updated to include new trackers; this does not update older versions of the files within.) Rating tags: - "11" - a rating which is off the 1-10 scale. Incomparably great. - "3D" indicates an obvious computer generated style as opposed to a 2D drawn artwork look. - "AAD" is an acronym for "adults are dumb", and indicates a cartoon in which grown-ups are frequently depicted as being more stupid than the younger protagonists. - "adult" indicates overly lewd sexual references and/or repetitive foul language. Some adult-oriented cartoons are witty parodies or taut thrillers, but most are extremely cheaply-made brain-dead trash. - "adventure" means the main characters are perpectually on the move or far from home. - "cards" means the show is a marketing vehicle to sell trading cards; most of these involve children with strange monster pets or summoned creatures who fight each other. While many cartoons are thinly-disguised advertising for toys and games, cards themselves are a prop or plot element in at least some episodes of shows so labeled. - "comedy" describes humorous shows that are neither toons nor spoofs. - "DCAU" refers to the "DC Animated Universe" created by Bruce Timm and Paul Dini -- the pinnicle of Warner Bros/DC Comics animated collaboration. (Note that there have been many WB animated features involving the same DC superhero characters which do not fall into the DCAU since the cessation of Teen Titans, the last series with any claim to being nominally within the "universe" in terms of commonality of art, characterization, time-line, style of direction, and dialogue- and script-writing.) - "east" denotes an overtly oriental-themed cartoon, often involving samurai or ninjas, or emphasis upon martial-arts or medieval-period Japanese or Chinese clothing and settings. This guide does not otherwise distinguish between cartoons and "anime". - "educational" shows frequently deal with ethical, historical or geographical aspects. - "family" indicates a show with very broad appeal; it isn't specifically written for any age group, and is neither "dumbed down" nor "sophisticated humor". - "fantasy" indicates the presence of magic or "chi" and/or spirts, gods, ghosts, demons, undead, fairies, fantastic animals, etc, but the setting is in an otherwise more or less realistic world. - "flash" is cheap-looking 2D computer animation of mostly moving cut-outs, flood-fill coloring and vector-scaling. - "Ghibli" indicates the acclaimed Japanese animation studio, or anything prior involving its founders Hayao Miyazaki and Isao Takahata. - "girl" indicates the presence of important female protagonists; if "girl" is the first tag, then the show is likely geared for female audiences. - "kids" means the show is appealing to small children (whether or not dialogue is dumbed-down). Virtually all kids shows are also comedies if not toons. - "Mainframe" refers to Mainframe Entertainment, a pioneering 3D animation company. - "mecha" involves giant robots or armored battle-suits. Most mecha also include sci-fi elements. - "movie" means a single, stand-along show, regardless of whether it played in theaters. - "porn" includes graphic (and usually gratuitous) sex. I review extremely few of these. (No "hentai"; sorry.) - "realistic" indicates real-world physics are observed, nobody has superpowers, animated characters are drawn like, and behave like, real people who don't take inordinate risks, speak "one-liner" dialogue or "mug for the camera". - "scary" means weird monsters may frighten very small children and give them nightmares, even if it's a comedy otherwise popular with kids. I afix this term only to shows marketed toward family or children's audiences (I take it for granted that teen- and adult-oriented shows are filled with imagery guaranteed to frighten toddlers, especially anything rated "violent"). - "sci-fi" shows are set in the future, or concern exotic technologies such as faster-than-light space-travel. - "series" means plots span multiple episodes and even seasons (so they are best watched in order); lack of this term doesn't mean, however, that all of a show's episodes are "stand-alones". - "spoofs" parody cultural or other-show references which younger persons are less likely to be aware of; a kid's cartoon which is also a spoof is likely to drag up this reviewer's rating due to intelligent writing. On the other hand, a spoof's gags tend to be topical in nature, and the humor may fall flat with the passage of time. - "stop-motion" manipulates puppets, clay figures, or other real objects as "art". - "superhero" means some characters have extraordinary abilities or "mutant" powers which permit them to cheat real-world physics which others have to obey in an otherwise more or less real world. While many cartoons (especially fantasies) feature characters who trend in this direction, superheroes are invariably costumed protagonists who are famous for their abilities. - "toon" means real-world physics are expressly NOT observed, animals talk, characters have "three fingers & thumb" hands, gravity is defied until noticed, etc. Many competently-made toons have lowered ratings in this guide due to emphasis on slapstick antics and marketing toward children. - "violent" means there's realistic-consequences combat with injuries and blood, and/or on-screen death, and the show is usually inappropriate for small children (the lack of this term, however, doesn't mean that a show lacks fighting). A show labelled "violent" does not necessarily contain violence in all or even most of its episodes. - "ultra-violent" shows so wallow in gore that many would consider them completely depraved. - "WMT" refers to Japan's "World Masterpiece Theater". (Like the amplifier in "This is Spinal Tap", the Cartoon Rating Guide now goes to 11!) 11 - Cowboy Bebop - series, adventure, sci-fi, violent, girl (English language version) ........The greatest adult-oriented adventure cartoon series of all time. Nothing else is ...
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