Stefan Gagne - Space Patrol.pdf - Stefan Gagne - widez2

S P A C E P A T R O L

A collection of warped parodies

in a future we'd like to see

By Stefan Gagne / Twoflower

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dedications

To Jerry Hinn, who helped me develop the characters and spackle up some

plot holes, and provided many Pizza House scripts to inspire and encourage

To Mrs. Hubbard's Advanced Composition class, where I wrote chapter one and

onward

To Pearl Jam, whose album Ten I listened to over and over while writing.

Maybe I'll write a new epic when the next album's out.

To the various copyrighted things I'm parodying in good humor. Please don't

sue.

To Zeke Thunderclutch, Twerp, Jane, and Bruiser, all of whom were a great

help in writing this story for me. All I had to do was transcribe.

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And MOST IMPORTANTLY, to all the readers of A Future We'd Like To See that

egged me on to release this previously unreleased epic... big kudos to all

fans! Mwah!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

(page numbers according to my WordPerfect(tm) status bar...)

Author's Introduction................................2

OpportunityDoesn't Knock, it Pounds.................3

Introductions Aside.................................10

Breaking and Decorating.............................17

The Anti-Quayle.....................................27

Bookworms...........................................36

Snitches............................................44

When I Was Your Age.................................64

Happy Birthday To You...............................74

Intermission........................................86

Death by Boredom....................................88

Information.........................................98

The Lost Episodes..................................119

VOS................................................146

Ann P'rran Yttia...................................192

Number One with a Bullet...........................217

This Was Your Life.................................239

Page 2

Space Patrol Part -1 -

Author's Introduction

You've just spent a lot of time FTPing this story, or downloading, or

printing, or whatever. Now you're wondering : what have I gotten myself

into?

Here's quick explanation.

The story you are about to read is the collective work of a year and a

half of writing. Some of it was done for a writing class, some just for

fun. It is the basis for my _A Future We'd Like to See_ series, introducing

many elements of the 'universe' I work and play in. In otherwords, it's a

prequel to FWLS.

It's a bit more compact than the original draft, a few stories which,

quite frankly, sucked, removed. The quality level of the writing goes from

Okay/Good to Great/Nifty!, since I started the series at the beginning of

the class and wrapped it up a year or so later. If it's looking lousy at

first, read on. You'll get to like it. It gets REALLY weird and twisted

near the end, even though it looks like basic pulp scifi in the beginning.

There are a few spelling and grammar errors, but since the works

aren't finely polished realy-for-publication material (much like any

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fiction you can find in the public domain), ya can't expect perfection.

Just a fun read, something to kill time, and maybe a provoking thought or

six about what we think life and reality really are.

Now for the legalese. Skip on if uninterested...

This short story series, characters, plots, concepts, fonts, styles,

story called Space Patrol with wacky characters named Zeke, Twerp, Jane,

and Bruiser, I can sue your ass off and laugh hysterically as my ordinarily

thin pockets are amplified by legal repremands.

Any parodies of existing people, products, television shows, or other

copyrighted material are meant in humor and not as slander. I do not claim

to own copyright on the parody sources.

(This applies to FWLS as well, if you hadn't seen the notice there.)

However, feel free to distribute it U N M O D I F I E D ! to anybody

or anywhere you'd like. Modding it violates the copyright. If you split

this up into separate files, include these copyright paragraphs in each

file, and the credits. Space Patrol Part 0 - Opportunity Doesn't Knock, it

Pounds

The basement hadn't been dusted in about ten years. A layer of filth

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covered most of the tables and chairs, as well as the exposed electronics

and computer parts. It has been said that geniuses are absent minded. This

is not true. They simply go about their household chores in a different

way. For instance, instead of buying a vacuum cleaner, Twerp invented a

revolutionary new kind of microprocessor that was powered by teflon and

couldn't gather dust.

The basements appearance itself rarely changed as well, aside from the

addition and subtraction of new electronics projects. The sole wall

decoration consisted of a diagrammed poster of an IBM PS/2. However, this

was a very special day indeed, for time was taken to invent a new

room-decorating robot that would hang up paper streamers and signs. All the

ribbons were mangled and the signs were backwards, which shows how much

effort was put into programming the robot. If the signs were right side up,

they'd probably read CONGRADULATIONS ON YOUR GRADUATION, TWERP AND

QWERTY.

"CANNONBALL!" shouted a high pitched but enthusiastic voice from the

top of the basement stairs. At that moment, a short purple alien in a red

graduation gown threw his hat across the air (where a revolutionary new

kind of self-moving hat rack caught it) and jumped head first down the

stairs. He hit a well- placed set of mattresses and bounced into a chair. A

second purple alien slid down the armrail and darted off to the small

climate-controlled refrigerator for some soda.

"We did it, Twerp!" Qwerty shouted, pounded a table in glee. "We

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Stefan Gagne - Space Patrol.pdf

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