HowToTalkToWomen-Reference.pdf

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How To Talk

To Women

The Reference Guide

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MODULE 1: Foundation & Secret Keys

Hey, It’s Carlos Xuma, welcome to the How to Talk to Women Program.

We’re also going to go into the flow of conversation and then each module

after that, so let’s get started right away. What we’re going to talk about in

this program is the How to Talk to Women Concept because it’s such a

big question for guys. I see it all the time, every time I open up an e-mail it

says, “Hey, how do I talk to women in this situation and on that situation?”

So, I’m going to give you the key understanding both from the internal

point of view as well as a technique point of view, exactly how to talk to

women in just about every step of the way. So there’s two parts that I want

to talk about, I want to talk about the overview of the concept.

The first is the foundation, let’s expand on this just a little bit. The

foundation, meaning, your alpha lifestyle is going to be the major

underpinning, how you feel when you go in and you do when you talk to

women, and by alpha lifestyle, I mean these are the factors that contribute

to your feeling of masculinity and feeling of having your own strong, well-

grounded lifestyle.

When you have—let me ask you this, “If you were, let’s just say Brad Pitt, it

doesn’t matter that he’s hooked up to Angelina Jolie or not, you think that

Brad Pitt, by virtue of his lifestyle, the things he does in his life, his family,

his health, his wealth, his time, his career, his job as an actor, the image he

portrays, the life passions, all that stuff, do you think that that helps him

feel confident going into any conversation with a woman?”

He didn’t just instantly become Brad Pitt, the millionaire, successful movie

star, he had to have the feelings before he realized the financial success

and the social success he does right now, so the feelings of confidence

you have before you go into an approach are going to be fully responsible

for how much success you get on the other end.

So these are the components that make up an alpha lifestyle and this is

what comprises how strong you feel, with just one moment before you walk

up and start talking to a woman or even when you’re in a conversation with

a woman, these factors play into what you talk about, how you talk about

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things with her, so this is kind of like the undercurrent of your confidence

and your feelings of self-esteem when you talk to women.

Family, obviously your family, the people that you’re related to, how well

you’re relating to them. Do you have family issues that are eating away at

you from the inside out? These are going to pull you down as well as pull

you back up.

Your health, are you a healthy person, are you fit, are you in shape? If

you’re not, again it’s going to work one way or the other, on one of the

scales are working for you on the other, it’s going to be pulling you down

and making you feel less confident. You’ve got to make sure that all these

are pulling in the same direction.

Wealth, how do you feel about your money? Your time, your career and

your job, your image, your life passion, your friends, your hobbies and

activities, your home and your transportation—yeah, your car and where

you live make a difference. All these factors including your visions and

strategies you have for your life as well as the life that you potentially want

with another woman, all these things are rolled up into what I call the Alpha

Lifestyle. Now, once you have all those elements and you realize that you

still have to address everyone of those.

Let’s get on to the next part. Let’s talk about the foundation of talking with

women and then where you feel the most pain is very often what affects

your conversations with women the most. So any one of these lifestyle

elements here, whether it’s your family, whether it’s your health, your

money, your time, and whatever it is in here that is most painful to you in

any given time is going to be affecting your conversation with women,

remember that, because it’s very important and you’ve got to know it and

recognize that ironically, the best topics for rapport are the ones that are

the areas of pain in your lifestyle, those are the ones that create the feeling

of connection with her because she’s going to see vulnerability.

She’s going to sense a certain level of humanity and connection from you

by virtue of the fact that you recognize that one of these—the family, the

health the wealth or something bothering you and knowing how to talk

about it, and we’re going to talk about that in this program.

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And going down here to the strength of your personality, the strength of

your personality is what supports your game. How strong is your

personality? If your personality were to be turned physical form, in the form

of a body, would your strength look like a skinny 98lb weakling or would it

look like Arnold Schwarzenegger back when he was the buffest, biggest

guy in the planet? That’s how it affects your game and your conversations

with women as well.

The strength of your personality is very important and when I’m telling you

here is, “Be certain about most everything.” Alright? The certainty is how

women see and kind of intuitively grasp your sense of confidence when

you’re in a conversation, now I don’t mean certainty to a point of being

dumb and obstinate, I’m talking about certainty in terms of knowing how

sure you are about things in your life and how sure you are in going to a

certain direction?

I don’t have to be sure that I know the exact fuel consumption of the SR71

Blackhawk, that’s dumb, that’s a factual thing that no one will care about

and probably, no most guys and probably airplane geeks will believe me

but being certain about the important things in life, being certain about

where you stand, ethical-moral stands—things like that.

Very important to how you build up this foundation when you’re talking with

women, so be very clear about this, being certain about things in your life

is a very important part of a conversation that we hold with women.

So one key element, what do I mean by that? There’s really only one key

element into any conversation with a woman, when you’re talking with

women, there’s one thing to focus on, I know that you probably have a

dozen models that tell you about attraction that has comfort that, rapport

on this and seduction that—don’t worry about it.

The one thing you work on with a woman is connection and you do it by

the virtue of a push and pull dynamic and that’s a lot of what we’re talking

about in here. We’re going to talk about how conversations flow, the things

to do when you run out of conversation are very important for guys.

Story telling. How to make women laugh, those are energy tools. Handling

phone conversations, as well as electronic communication, texting with

women, and tools that you can use—these are all things that we’re going

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to be covering in this program, but they’re all built into this connection of

push-pull.

What’s in there? Well, with that we have these three elements that we talk

about frequently, I think most guys are used to hearing about this, there’s

energy excitement, there’s qualification and there’s rapport and comfort—

these are the three biggies, these are the three subcomponents of how

you build that connection in using the push-pull energy.

Energy and excitement. Here’s energy and excitement. Energy and

excitement, as it relates to you, in other words when you are talking with a

woman, the energy and excitement in that conversation should be related

back to you, it shouldn’t just be her having fun. There are ways that are

kind of leaching on of a woman having fun in other ways, in other words

you’re both on a rollercoaster ride. Is the fun really related to you? No.

You’re on a rollercoaster which is going up and down and zooming around

on the corkscrew, right?

But, by virtue of the fact that you might be holding her hand while she’s

experiencing this extreme visceral sense of fun, it becomes a way for you

to kind of draw in the same energy, it’s a very important fact and most guys

don’t know how to use that to their benefit. Unfortunately, they often do it to

their detriment as well, they tend to go into situations where there’s

negative emotions and the woman associates those with him.

So what are the excitement elements of attraction here that we’re talking

about?

First of all there’s fun, laughing is your measuring stick, particularly in this

situation. How much is she laughing? How much is she giggling? How

much is she genuinely bubbling enjoying herself?

There’s banter. Banter in a sense that pleasant shock is your measuring

stick. You’ve got to look at her and see how much is she going, “Uh,” you

know that’s a pleasant shock, not “Oh” which is an unpleasant shock.

Pleasant shock is you’re back and forth, you’re back and forth and you’re

just having fun, teasing back and forth and she has that look of, “Oh my

God, I can’t believe you said that.” You can sense that in the change in

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