Action Book.pdf

USE THIS NOW

An Action Book

R ELATIONSHIP S TORMS :

M AN E NOUGH TO S TAY THE C OURSE !

By Mark Peysha and Cloé Madanes

Based On the Strategic Interventions

Of Anthony Robbins

TABLE OF CONTENTS

F ORWARD ....................................................................................................................... 3

S O H OW D O I C HANGE M Y R ELATIONSHIP ? .................................................................. 4

F UNDAMENTALS : T HE S IX H UMAN N EEDS .................................................................... 5

T HE T HREE L EVELS OF R ELATIONSHIP .......................................................................... 8

T RANSFORMING Y OUR R ELATIONSHIP ......................................................................... 10

T HE S EVEN M ASTER S TEPS T O L ASTING C HANGE ....................................................... 15

Two: Obtain leverage .............................................................................................. 16

Three: Interrupt habitual patterns............................................................................. 18

Four: Define the problem in solvable terms ............................................................. 19

Five: Create new options ......................................................................................... 20

Six: Condition the change........................................................................................ 22

Seven: Relate to a higher purpose ............................................................................ 22

E XERCISES F OR C OUPLES ............................................................................................ 24

Exercise 1: Stand Up for Each Other ....................................................................... 24

Exercise 2: Ten-Minute Time Slot ........................................................................... 26

C ONCLUSION ................................................................................................................ 27

One: Understand their world.................................................................................... 15

F OREWORD

Welcome to the Action Book for Relationship Storms: Man Enough to Stay the Course !

This Action Book will give you key instructions on how to navigate changes in your

relationship and will lead you to greater passion and fulfillment. If you fully participate

and take the time to answer the questions, the entire experience should take one to two

hours. However, remember, this time is invaluable as it will help you to completely

transform your relationship.

Have you ever noticed that, for some couples, arguments can be sexy? Yet for other

couples, arguments lead to pain and long-standing resentment. For some couples,

honesty deepens the relationship, while for others, honesty seems like a dangerous

prospect. What makes the difference?

If you have watched the Relationship Storms film, you will have seen Tony Robbins

guiding Samantha and Daryl from a relationship of resentment and stonewalling to a

sexy, passionate, interactive relationship in which both partners are constantly challenged

and inspired to participate on a higher and higher level. This Action Book will take up

where the film left off, outlining ways that you can utilize the Seven Master Steps to

Lasting Change, which Tony uses in his interventions, to help bring you the results you

want.

The premise for the I NNER S TRENGTH program is that a single decision can radically

change your life, your career, and your relationships. Are there decisions in your life that

have needed to be made, maybe even for a long time? How would you communicate this

to yourself and to others? What would change in your life today? How would it change

the lives of those who are dear to you? It’s time to get started; let’s tap into the full

resources of your life right now.

Warmly,

Mark Peysha and Cloé Madanes

S O H OW D O I C HANGE M Y R ELATIONSHIP ?

If Samantha and Daryl were able to rediscover their trust and commitment to each

other within ninety minutes, how are you and I going to create results for ourselves at

home? Relationship is important—it may be the single greatest factor in your

happiness throughout your life. It is the way that our emotions become magnified

through sharing and interchange. It is the way that we build our histories with others,

share memories, and taste our experiences. However, it is not always easy. Why?

Because there is another person involved—a person with his or her own experiences,

preferences, values, and levels of commitment. This can be frustrating at times, no

matter how deep, powerful, intense, and passionate the relationship is. In fact, you

may say, frustration is often a sign of passion waiting to break free—if you can learn

how to harness it. As Tony puts it, there are areas in your life where you may enjoy a

great deal of control; in other areas of life, you may even have mastery. In

relationship, you have neither mastery nor control—you have influence at best. If

you think you can control your partner, you will be frustrated. If you simply expect

your partner to be or do things in a certain way, your partner will feel judged and stop

cooperating. And if you try to coerce your partner to do things in a way that doesn’t

reflect his or her free will, you cannot have a happy relationship. So you have

influence at best, and you have much less control than you may have thought. Is this

bad news? On the contrary, this is the path to the excitement, spontaneity, and

interaction that are at the bottom of every truly successful relationship. There is a

way to harness the uncertainty of relationship and to let it light up your life. So let’s

get started.

F UNDAMENTALS : T HE S IX H UMAN N EEDS

The concept of the six human needs is at the core of human needs psychology. We

believe that human motivation is driven by the need to fulfill six basic human needs.

These needs are our constant and in some ways our closest companions. They never

stop driving us and they never go away. You cannot simply resolve a need—it will

be back tomorrow or even in five minutes. Our needs are the primal forces that shape

all of our choices. The good news is that there are only six needs and there are

millions of ways of satisfying your needs. By understanding how your needs work,

you can set yourself up for lasting fulfillment in life.

The First Human Need: Certainty/Comfort

The first need is for certainty that we can be comfortable—to have pleasure and to

avoid pain. For some of us, this means a secure environment, consistency in our

relationships. You can also get certainty through physical habits—eating, for

instance, can make you feel comfortable and certain—or even through certain

beliefs—for instance, you can have faith that your problems will be resolved. What is

necessary for someone to feel certain varies from individual to individual. For one

person knowing where the next meal will come from is sufficient certainty, while for

another person the need for certainty may be satisfied only by having a million dollars

in the bank. Code words for certainty are comfort, security, safety, stability,

predictability. When things get rough, what are some things that you do to feel

certain?

The Second Human Need: Uncertainty/Variety

Once we feel certain, however, our second need is for uncertainty —for variety and

challenges that will exercise our emotional and physical range. Our bodies, our

minds, our emotional being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, variety,

surprise. Even if you have a lifetime supply of your favorite food, at some point you

will want to eat something else. Your emotional and physical state will change. We

all value uncertainty/variety to different degrees, but we all need it. You may get

variety by pursuing changes, diversions, and pleasures or by undertaking risky

projects or challenging commitments. Some people satisfy their need for

uncertainty/variety by watching a movie, while others need to race cars or climb

mountains. And don’t forget a major source of variety for all of us: problems. When

things don’t go as you planned, when expectations are foiled and things go in a

different direction, that’s uncertainty/variety as well. What kind of variety/

uncertainty do you experience on a regular basis? Code words for uncertainty are

fear, instability, change, variety, chaos, refreshment, craving, release, suspense,

exertion, surprise, problem, crisis. Are there ways in which the feeling of uncertainty

actually serves to give you variety?

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