Carry On Nurse dvdrip.txt

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RADIO: <i>Silver Maid keeping ahead</i>
<i>in front of Dasher and Boy Blue.</i>

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<i>But the favourite, Red Dice,</i>
<i>is now lengths behind. He's right out of it.</i>

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<i>Inside the last furlong, and Dasher's taken it up!</i>
<i>Moving through very smoothly.</i>

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<i>Silver Maid hanging on to second place.</i>
<i>And at the post, it's Dasher from Silver Maid...</i>

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Well, did it win?

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That nag should be going into hospital, not you!

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Bad luck. I wonder who won the baby stakes.

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Oh!

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Supposing I'd been on it! (Tuts)

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Ah! Where do I go?

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- Hey! I can walk, you know.
- Nobody walks in 'ere.

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- Any chance of walking out?
- We've got to do the job proper.

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- Over here, Mr York.
- <i>Right, nurse.</i>

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- Thanks for the ride, boys.
- Give us a write-up in the papers.

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- Will you get into bed, please?
- I um...didn't have time to get my pyjamas.

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Oh, that's all right. You won't need any just now.

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Thanks.

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- What's he got, then, Mick?
- Appendicitis.

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Ten days' job.

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Cor blimey! Only ten days.

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When I think how easily that could have
been avoided, I could kick myself, I tell you.

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Did you hear what I said then?

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I said I could kick myself!

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Kick myself, with that on, I said!

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I think that's very funny, Mick! Don't you, Mick?
(Laughs raucously)

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- Hello, Mick.
- Hello, Mr Able.

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- There you are.
- What's that? A shroud?

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No, an operating gown.

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(Buzzer)

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(Impatient buzzing)

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Your turn.

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Yes, Colonel?

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I want to see that ward orderly chap - Mick.

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You can't.
It's our job to answer the buzzer, not his.

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You've only been here half a day and you've
called us a dozen times for no good reason.

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Now, do try and remember
the buzzer's only for emergencies.

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- This is an emergency.
- What kind of an emergency?

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Every time Mick comes in here, he stays
too long. I don't know what you find to talk about.

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I dare say you don't. There's some things we
men talk about it's better for women not to know.

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- I can imagine that.
- I doubt it, young lady. I doubt it.

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Well, what do you want him for?

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What can he do for you that I can't? Tell me that.

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Ho-ho-ho! Don't tempt me, girl.
Just tell Mick I want him, would you, please?

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All right. Just this once.

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(Knocking)

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Ah, Mick, my boy. That's right, shut the door.

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- Now then, dictation. Got your notebook?
- Yes, sir.

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Good. Here we are, then.

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Bob each way, the Black Prince.

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That's the 3:30 at Chepstow.

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Black Prince, 3:30 at Chepstow.

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Half a dollar to win, Rambler.

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R-A-M-B-L-E-R.

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Now that's the 4:15 at Redcar.

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4:15, Redcar.

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- That's all, I think.
- Right, Colonel.

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Well, you just settle down, Colonel.
I'll wait for the results.

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- Oh, get me 20 Player's, would you, please?
- Yes, sir.

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- Don't bother about that.
- (Clears throat)

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- Good afternoon. Name?
- Oh. Good afternoon. York. Edward York.

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- Address?
- 24 Passiondale Avenue.

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- Age?
- 35.

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- Occupation?
- News...paper reporter.

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- Relax.
- I was covering the baby show.

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- Next of kin?
- No.

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Religion?

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Which lot has the best record of recovery?

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I'm very busy. Come along, now. C of E?

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- False teeth?
- No.

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- Glass eye?
- No!

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And before you go any further,
the rest of me is my own!

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Sign, please. Consent for general anaesthetic.

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- Ooh!
- Relax.

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- Hello. I'm Mick.
- Hi, Mick.

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- What's her trouble?
- Oh, night starvation.

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- Going to shave you.
- Shave?

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My appendix isn't on my face!

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I'm not going to shave your face!

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(Impatient buzzing)

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- Yes, Colonel?
- I'm all crumby!

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If you will stuff yourself
with those crumbly biscuits...

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Well, I have to have some pleasure, damn it.

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Hop out and I'll take the crumbs away.

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- Where's that fella Mick got to?
- He's doing something for Sister.

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Can I help?

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Not unless you know what won
the 4:15 at Redcar, you can't.

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- Oh, you and your racing. All right, get in.
- Thank you.

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Oh, I wish you wouldn't eat those biscuits!

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I eat biscuits, my girl, to calm my nerves.

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Rambler won it. 3-1.

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- Comfy now?
- Yes.

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Rambler, do you say?

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Hoo-hoo! Ha-ha-ha! Good old Rambler!

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(Chuckles) Oh, we'll have a new one now.

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- Ooph!
- I warned you.

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Thank you.

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- Sister...
- I'm not a sister, I'm a staff nurse.

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Oh? How do I tell the difference?

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Student nurses wear big hats.
We call them butterflies.

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- You call them what?
- Butterflies.

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-Ah, I like that.
- They don't.

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And staff nurses wear these. Got it?

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Yes. I think you're wonderful.

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Relax, Mr York.

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Oh!

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Nurse Dawson!
Is it your intention to wreck my ward?

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- Wh-who are you?
- I'm a nurse.

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You're in hospital, but you're all right.

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(Sighs)

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- Let's have a beer.
- You can't have a beer, Mr York.

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She'll give me a beer. I'll go...

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Cor!

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- Somebody stabbed me!
- Lie still, you've got a drain in you.

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Now that you've made my bed...you can lie on it!

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- Mmm!
- Why, Mr York!

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Mr York!

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Oh, I'm sorry, Staff.
I was just trying to get Mr York to settle down.

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- For life?
- Lovely!

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(Laughs deliriously)

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When you're on ni...
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