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Lesson 1 Forever young The last step will be nanotechnology, when molecular sized robots will run and repair our bodies continuously. They will suppress the division of cells and clean them of debris. The second step will be bio-technology - stem cell therapy will be used to rejuvenate our organs. DNA will be manipulated to stop damaging mutations. But the first step is what you have to do now to stay alive. Don't even THINK about smoking, exercise daily, eliminate sugar, don't eat any animal fats, eat lots of vegetables and some nuts, don't salt things, don't touch processed foods. In general, eat very little. Apparently rats on restricted diets live longer. We still don't know what effect this can have on the human brain, but if you forget what 2 + 2 is - eat more. And finally, ignore all the above as they may be wrong. And if asteroid hits the earth - quite pointless.
Lesson 2 The groom generation Tubs, scrubs and scents. You gel, you exfoliate, you moisturize. You've got an arsenal of lotions, oils, cleansers, creams, detoxifiers and revitalizers. You've got pre-shave gels and post-shave gels. Lip balms and foot creams. Conditioners that make your hair big or - sleek and shiny. Hey, you've joined the groom generation, you've become a groomer! Why? Because you want to look good and smell good and - most of all - you RAGE against a cruel, merciless, horrible vandal called Time!
Lesson 3 Speed dating Welcome to a speed dating event. You go to a trendy bar; get a glass of wine, a badge, a pen and a scorecard. There are, say, 20 single men and women in the bar. The women sit at the tables, the men opposite them. You have three minutes to impress your 'date'. After three minutes: ding! dong! - a bell rings and the men move round one place. If someone tickles your fancy, you tick him off on the scorecard. You hand your scorecard in at the end of the evening and if there is a match you receive your sweetheart's email in 48 hours. Simple, safe and - ho! ho!- speedy. And what happens later is up to you…
Lesson 4 More speed dating Isn't the speed dating scene all about time-poor young urbanites paying somebody else to sort out their love lives for them? While you are busy making money and climbing the career ladder - somebody else is arranging for you to meet your ideal partner. Isn't it a bit sad? But if there's no shame in paying somebody to deliver your groceries, why shouldn't you pay somebody to find you the love of your life? Finding a partner is a big business. If you are male, single and solvent, then here's definitely one person who would simply LOVE to meet you - an organizer of the dating event.
Lesson 5 Online dating Looking for true love on the net? It's certainly easy - you look at the photo, read the description and… fire off an email. She doesn't reply? No matter. Handling rejection is easy. There are millions of others out there. And the good news for women is: there are so many more men out there! Another great joy of virtual date is that you can… lie about yourself. You can present a better version of yourself. The problem is that your virtual love might be doing the same, so while everything is running smoothly on the net, there might be a few glitches when the real world and the virtual world collide…
Lesson 6 Mobile love Apparently more and more of us are chatting up a potential partner using the net or the mobile. But this, according to research, encourages illicit affairs and infidelity. Why? Because the net and the mobile increase your options and reduce your inhibitions. Researchers in America have now invented a mobile phone that beeps within 3 metres of an attractive woman! You don't even have to look, the mobile does it for you. No wonder, that according to the divorce lawyers, mobile phones have affected both adultery and divorce. Yes, beware of the digital love byte - the new technology is catching up with the adulterers. Their movements can be traced using phone location systems and there's a piece of software that will tell you what your spouse is doing on the internet even when you're thousands of miles away.
Lesson 7 Let's think about sex According to a research team looking at the sex lives of several thousand people in six European countries, British men think about sex more frequently than any other nationality in Europe. In the UK, 46 percent of men think about sex at least once a day. In comparison, only 28 percent of Italian men and 19 percent of Spanish men think about sex once a day. France comes as a big surprise - the traditional land of lovers is at the very bottom of the list. So what is it with the British men: are they more passionate, or just not getting enough of the real stuff? The highest figure, the whole 10 per cent, goes to Swedish women, who narrowly beat females here in Britain. Latin women, defying their stereotype, appear to be the least sex-minded. Only 3 per cent of those in France, Italy and Spain think about sex once a day.
Lesson 8 Everything virtual We live in a virtual world. From working - through shopping- to sex - everything can now be virtual. Thousands of virtual communities around the world interact on the net. Universities have started courses taught almost entirely on computer networks - in virtual classrooms. In virtual corporations workers never go to 'work' but, linked by information technology, do business on the net. And after a hard day's work on the net you can now have, if you want to, virtual sex. It's virtually impossible not to live in a virtual world. But what are the virtues of that?
Lesson 9 How to be a flexitarian Vegan, vegetarian, carnivore - or maybe - flexitarian? If you love pepperoni pizza, but like to call yourself a 'veggie' - don't worry - you are not alone. You have simply become a flexitarian! A flexitarian will eat vegetarian food one day, while tucking into an oily fish or a piece of steak the next. Just think, you can have the best of both worlds! Vegetarians tend to be slimmer, have lower levels of pollutants and cholesterol in their bodies, and lower rates of heart disease. But, on the other hand they may suffer from vitamin deficiencies. So - mix and match - oily fish will provide you with essential omega oils and increase the level of vitamin D, while an occasional piece of lean steak will boost your intake of energizing iron.
Lesson 10 Snack attack It looks like we are the crisp kings of Europe. We eat 10 billion bags of crisps a year, more than the rest of western Europe put together. According to market research, every man, woman and child in Britain eats over 7 kilos of crisps a year, and - the trend is rising! Do we have a love affair with junk food or what? The average British person eats over 370 savoury snacks a year. That's more than one a day - that's a … snack attack!
Lesson 11 Rude food A team of scientists reported that oysters are rich in two chemicals, which stimulate the release of sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen, which - in turn - stimulate sexual desire. Great news? Not really. Before you rush to the shops, remember: oysters, once the pauper's fodder, are now extremely expensive! Yes, there are cheaper ways to achieve bedroom satisfaction - the great rehabilitation of chocolate continues. For years we've been told to avoid the stuff, but apparently the food of the Gods is so good for you, it might as well be salad! Dark chocolate is rich in a chemical called phenyletylamine, which gives the brain a brief, but effective 'high'. And anything which gets you high is likely to put you in the amorous mood. Can rude food provoke rude thoughts, I wonder? Can we bottle the magic ingredient of lust? Whoever serves love on a plate will become a rich - and desirable man…
Lesson 12 Buzz junkie Dangerous pursuits are becoming more and more popular among us. Whether it's extreme sports or dangerous expeditions, more and more of us are joining a new breed of adrenaline hungry daredevils. From bungee jumping through freediving to diving from the sky, the buzz junkie will pursue the thrill of danger relentlessly. Take a sky-dive, for example. Why will he hurl himself out of a plane at 4,000 metres, freefalling at 70 km per hour, looking death in the eye? Because risk taking gives him the taste of the elixir of life.
Lesson 13 Energy vampire An energy vampire is your persistent 'friend' who always rings up complaining about her life. She will phone past the 11 pm chat watershed and stay on the phone for at least an hour. She'll tell you about her doomed relationship, problems with her boss at work and a row she'd had with another friend about midnight calls. She's an attention seeker and a drama queen who'll dump all her problems on you. During the entire conversation she won't ask you a single question. After the conversation you will feel like a punctured balloon, she'll be full of energy - after all she sank her fangs into you.
Lesson 14 Toxic friends Are you really 'friends' with your friends? To think that you should never fall out with friends is to live in denial. But, working out which friends you don't need is elementary social maths. So, who is the toxic friend who poisons your life? Well, look out for self-obsessed depressives, ruthless users, judgmental sorts, skinflints, constant moaners, disloyal gossips, control freaks, emotional vampires, people who constantly let you down and… anyone, absolutely anyone who makes you feel fat! If you've got too many of those - give your address book a good clear-out and rinse out the toxic parasites.
Lesson 15 The fashionista You lie awake at night seriously stressing about the bills you need to pay and the washing machine that needs replacing. Then, the next day you find yourself in an expensive boutique trying on a pair of new shoes that cost almost the same as the new washing machine… And? Ching, ching. Will that be cash or credit card, Madam? Prada, Armani, Fendi and Versace. You are a victim of fashion and a label junkie. Wearing a label is a must, even if you can't afford it. Some people look at fashion magazines and think: 'Hmmm. Nice.' You look at them and think: 'I'll have that! Don't tell me the price, la..la...la...la... I don't want to know!!! I don't want to know!!! I want to look like Kate Moss. Shut up, shut up!!!'. And off you run to the shops.
Lesson 16 The tanorexic Unlike sunlight, which contains a mix of UVA and UVB rays, sunbeds produce mainly UVA radiation, the rays that penetrate more deeply into the skin. These UVA rays cause endorphins, the body natural feel-good chemicals, to be released into the bloodstream. They make us feel better and happier, and - we look healthier with a tan, don't we? Fake tan is fine - but after a sunbed treatment we're on a mini-high! Besides sunbeds, like sunlight, supply our bodies with essential vitamin D and can help us fight the symptoms of SAD. So, forget early wrinkles, sun spots and leathery skin? Forget the risk of skin cancer? Indulge in tanorexia? Or - maybe - DON'T…
Lesson 17 Anti-celebrities Celebrity is dead. Why? On the one hand, reality TV has cheapened the status of celebrity, on the other - true celebrities ain't interested any more. The word 'celebrity', once as exotic as frankincense, the term we used to describe Marilyn Monroe, Jackie Kennedy and Princess Diana has now been hijacked by fame-hungry pathetic wannabes. Who wants to be in their ranks? Certainly the true celebrities just don't want to play the game any more. Besides - what they crave most is what they often don't have - privacy and normality. They want to be seen as normal people who do normal things. They are too cool to be talked about. It's not being famous that looks cool.
Lesson 18 Queen bees and wannabes Yes, if you are a fan, a follower or a hero worshipper who tries to emulate a particular person or celebrity - or - if you are simply someone who tries to be someone else - you are a wannabe. Pop singers or film stars with mass appeal have lots of dedicated fans - wannabes, who dress like them, look like them and want to be them. The queen bee is the most popular and usually the nastiest member of a female peer group. She attracts the hangers-on, the wanna-bees, who will do anything to please her. Wannabes will do anything to be a member of a popular group, even if it means being humiliated or intimidated by the queen bee. And she reigns supreme, through a combination of fear, control, money, looks, charisma, and - the power of manipulation.
Lesson 19 The charm offensive The charm offensive is a deliberate campaign led by a party or a government in order to achieve a political goal. The politicians engaged in a charm offensive are simply oozing warmth, friendliness - and charm of course, in order to 'win the hearts and minds' of the voters. Gesture politics is a term describing empty gestures made by politicians in order to influence public opinion. Sound bites are short extracts from interviews, speeches or discussions; sometimes one liners deliberately produced this way and used for maximum punchiness. They're meant to be short, sharp and effective. Sleaze factor is used to describe sordid matters in the world of politics: scandals, affairs, corruption, lies and alleged malpractice associated with the government and party politics.
Lesson 20 Millennium babies Babies, welcome to the world of the new millennium. Your parents are likely to be older, wealthier and… unmarried. The generation gap will be widening, as they tend to leave the parental home later, have children later and get married later than ever before. But the gap between your mummy and daddy in the home seems to be narrowing. Childminders will still be the cornerstone of your family life, but shift-parenting will be more and more popular as your mummies and daddies try to juggle work and… you. Oh, and one more thing. It seems that many of you, millennium babies, owe your existence to an accident - more than 40% of pregnancies seem to be unplanned…
Lesson 21 Home alone Give the puppy his own set of house keys and put him in front of the telly instead of spending time with him. Leave him home alone. Let him eat anything and do anything he wants. Send him to another master for visitation at the weekends. Will you be surprised if he starts feeling unwanted, abandoned and angry? Will you be shocked if he becomes unruly and wild? Parents, beware - if you are neglecting your children, you've got to take the rap.
Lesson 22 McGrad drifters According to research about one third of university leavers either travel, temp or drift on the job market. They go into 'McGrad' work, humdrum jobs in high street shops or fast food outlets. They take dead end jobs where they earn easy money but don't use their skills and qualifications. They are underemployed. A degree is no longer a passport to a secure well paid job and when they find that this really is the case, some of them just… drift. They either don't have a clue what to do with their degree, or they don't want to be trapped in a rat race in the country which has the longest working hours in the EU.
Lesson 23 Meet the Neets Not in Education, Employment or Training - the Neets are a distinct social group of young people who live on state benefits and are costing taxpayers a fortune. Who are they? They are dropouts from school, teenage mothers on handouts, unemployed and often unemployable young men and women on benefits. They're more likely to take drugs, engage in criminal activities and suffer from poor health. Their impact on health service, social services as a whole, and Britain's values and resources is enormous.
Lesson 24 Grown-up gapper Why should students get all the fun? Thousands of working grown-ups are junking their jobs and hitting the road. They're exchanging suits for sandals and heading off to places like Thailand, Brazil, Ecuador or New Zealand. The world's their oyster and they're taking a year out. They're not going to party all the year round, oh no. Grown-up gappers are mature professional people, truly interested in foreign lands. When they come back, they'll tell you how a gap year has changed their life. Oh, there's only one thing they can't stand about it - the thought of being back.
Lesson 25 Happy or ambitious Success to the ambitious is like cocaine to the addicted: however much you have, it's never quite enough. Successful people tend to be ambitious, and if you're ambitious - you're never happy with the splendours that you have. You always want more. When you look at your wife, you don't think:' Hey, what a babe!' Instead you think: 'Does it mean I'll never get to sleep with Scarlett Johansson?' Same with success - instead of enjoying wealth, you want to make more wealth. When you get to the top of the career ladder, you don't act like: 'Hey. Yeah. I've made it!' Instead you suddenly realize that your buddy has just bought a house in the Bahamas. So, stop being ambitious, or give up trying to be happy. You can be one or the other - but never both.
Lesson 26 The sugar mummy and a trophy boyfriend In a pleasing act of role reversal, many high earning women are wising up to the benefits of having a trophy boyfriend - a young pretty thing who is happy to be a kept man. But what does the kept man do while his sugar mummy works? Well, he spends his days shopping or going to the gym. He can join lads who lunch. But not everything is rosy in his sugar world. Apart from the loss of status, he often suffers from loneliness and boredom. Why? Because there is no network of other kept men with whom he could go out for a coffee or a good heart-to-heart. He's not happy, he says, he doesn't have a support group like a woman does.
Lesson 27 The groovy granny Yes, fun-loving divorcees in their fifties - and older - are throwing off the shackles of domesticity, following their daughters' ladette lead and letting their hair down. These footloose fiftysomethings are embracing a newly found singledom with enthusiasm and making the most of it. They go on the pull to clubs and bars, they drink and dance and - soon get a new man in their life. Very groovy grannies, don't you think?
Lesson 28 The metrosexual man He's straight, stylish and sensitive. He grooms himself big time, has regular facials and manicures. He smells divine, waxes his body and highlights his hair. He won't say NO to a shot of botox or a bit of cosmetic surgery. He's - oh so - in touch with his feminine side. But who is he really - a metrosexual man? A giant pussy owned by the beauty industry or a woman's best friend? Is he a narcissist in love with himself or a new link in the evolutionary chain? Hmmm. He might be a bit too camp and a bit too gay for me.
Lesson 29 Just Macho Enough (JME) man Right… He must drink more than you and must have bigger feet than you (he should have hairier ankles, too). Must have at least three close male friends with whom he disappears occasionally. He must not own a hairdryer or an umbrella nor show any interest in borrowing yours. He must be ready to have a go at DIY and get filthy in the process, eschewing masks, gloves and all kinds of sensible protective clothing. Finally, he must make a terrible mess - show me a man who likes sex and also has his spice rack or CD collection in perfect order?
Lesson 30 The end of men Did nature really design me to be expendable? That's horrible! My biological role is to impregnate the female (in fact, to impregnate as many females as possible!), but now they're telling me that my fertility is falling. Chemical pollution is killing off my sperm and artificial insemination has made me, kind of, dispensable. But even if my biological job is done, I can now apparently - buzz off. Mothers can fend for themselves and rear my children on their own. Does anybody need me? Am I really dispensable, doomed and facing extinction? Is it really the end of men?
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