Into the Mystic by 107yearoldvirgin.pdf

Into the Mystic by 107yearoldvirgin

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5097732/1/

Chapter 1

There were quite a few things that I had learned while working in an office. One:

If you walk down the hall with a piece of paper in your hand, you look like you

are working. Even if the paper only contains a list of items you are intending to

bring to a picnic. Two: If you take that paper to your bosses' office, you can stay

and talk to her for at least an hour and people will think you are in a meeting.

Three: Always bring a pad of paper to corporate meetings. Making a list of chores

and shopping items during the tedious hours of monotonous droning, will look like

you are taking notes.

That's what I was doing at the moment. Focusing intently on my paper as I made

a list of things that need to be done around my apartment that weekend. I was

single. I lived alone.

There's a lot of cleaning to be done by one person, alright?

I scooted closer to the long black table that I was leaning on and flipped my

tablet closed in order to scratch my leg. And that was when I noticed my name

being called. Not called, really.

Barked.

Yeah, it was definitely more like barking.

My head instantly snapped up out of my laundry list reverie and I saw every eye

in the room on me. Immediately turning red from head to pointy heeled toe, I

tried desperately to bring to consciousness what Mr. Aro had been talking about

for the past 90 minutes.

This was going to be bad. I wasn't even supposed to be here, but my department

manager Alice was away on family business and my direct manager Jane was on

vacation in freaking Acapulco. So I was sitting in the meeting, thinking I was only

needed as a warm body.

I should have known better. That prick Aro had it out for me. The Alex P. Keaton

looking SOB had a Napoleon complex that I wouldn't succumb to. So he hated

me. And now he was asking me questions in front of all 20 Executives and

managers.

Dammit. Dammit, Bella! Would it have killed you to pay attention for an hour?

Glancing around fervently, I was hoping to make eye contact with a sympathetic

soul who would offer me a clue as to what we were discussing. But I should have

known better. Everyone in this office hated me with a fiery passion. And no one

would be nice enough to help. My neck craned to the left to get a better look at

Mr. Aro. I was going to have to wing it and use some corporate buzz words or

something.

And then I saw him. Edward Cullen. He was sitting 2 people closer to me than

Aro. And he was smirking of all things.

Jackass.

I glared at him silently, wishing for his head to implode...when a miracle

happened. He mouthed to me, "semen."

What. The. Eff?

Was he really mouthing "semen?" I blinked twice and was tempted to get out of

the whole situation by calling him out in front of everyone for inappropriate

behavior, when I caught sight of the proposal sitting in the middle of the table.

'Seaman's.'

Oh, god. Right. We were marketing for Seaman's hair gel.

Aro barked my name again. "Bella!"

"Yes, Mr. Aro? Did you want my opinion on the Seaman's account?"

Cullen winked at me as I let a whoosh of air out of my cheeks.

He probably thinks I owe him one, now. Great.

"Bella. If you had been paying closer attention, I wouldn't have to repeat myself

so often. It's almost like you have an impairment...hearing or otherwise." He

clicked his teeth together as he talked and it took all of my might not to cry. I felt

the familiar sting start in my right eye and I pressed my fingers into it to stop the

progression. I silently stared back at him and waited for the tirade to continue.

"I was asking everyone to give their ideas behind marketing this particular

product. We all realize how hard it will be to promote a hair gel called Seaman's.

Do you have any suggestions? Or did your managers leave you with no brain

when they left?"

I'm smarter than he gives me credit for, but at this exact moment he was right.

They had left me hanging in the proverbial wind. And I was dying. Biting the

inside of my lip, I did the only thing I could think to do. I answered as quickly as

possible, "Why should we fight against the name? Look at the Axe Corporation.

They thrive off of innuendo. Maybe we have a market with a younger audience.

The 'There's Something About Mary' generation? The same people who laugh at

double entendres on TV. Like the SNL sketch with Baldwin...you know, 'Schwetty

Balls'?"

It all came out so fast I wasn't sure I had actually said it. But I did and now it

was just laying there like a pile of verbal diarrhea right on the table. I was

screwed.

Time to update the resume, genius. You need a new friggin' job.

There was silence in the room and I tried to hold Aro's eye contact, but Cullen's

luminous face kept slipping into view. I finally gave in and looked straight at him.

He was...impressed? Was that the look he had on his face?

He nodded at Aro and said, "I think she's right. I imagine that there are a lot of

people that would enjoy giving the gift of Seaman's." He snickered a little at his

last comment and I couldn't suppress my giggle, too.

I am so childish like that.

Mr. Aro looked around the room and after a few seconds, asked what the others

thought. To my utter astonishment, they all agreed that it was a good route to

take. I couldn't even believe it.

Was this even possible?

Do I get a raise now?

I looked up expectantly and Aro looked defeated. And pissed. I may have just

saved the account, but I was further up on his list for sure.

Maybe I should look online for job openings tonight. Get a head start...

"If everyone else is on board with this incredibly juvenile concept, then we will

work with it. Edward, since you seem so eager to agree with Ms. Swan, I think I'll

let you spearhead this project. Let's all hope you don't fail." He turned abruptly

and flung the proposal Edward's way.

And that cocky smile was still on his lips when the papers thwacked down in front

of him. He gathered them up as everyone else was leaving, and got into the line

of people exiting the room. This of course put him directly in front of me.

He held the door open and smiled. "Nice save," he grinned looking down at me.

And then he swatted my arm with the Seaman's proposal and freaking winked at

me again. "See you later, Schwetty Balls."

Chapter 2

EPOV

In the last week since Isabella Swan had saved the Seaman's deal, I had taken

more notice of her around the office. She wasn't what I would call shy. She was

purposely distant. In fact, other than the occasional 'hello' in the break room or

foyer, she pretty much only talked to Alice and Jane. Jane more out of obligation,

of course. She was Jane's direct report, after all. I mean, there was no way that

she actually enjoyed Jane's company. We had nicknamed her The Migraine

because being in her presence for more than 30 seconds gave you just that. She

was physically painful to be around. It may have been her high pitched voice, or

her perfume. The woman made 6 figures; couldn't she buy something other than

J-Lo perfume? It reminded me of burning rubber.

When Bella was in the break room or any open space, she did what she needed

to do with an absurd quickness. I had been watching her from my office while she

was in the kitchen, hurriedly making oatmeal in a coffee cup. Or making coffee

and practically almost tripping over herself with the effort she put into racing

back to her cubicle. It would have been immensely funny if I didn't know for a

fact that she did it out of fear and anxiety.

Because it wasn't a coincidence that once she was in the kitchen, our HR director

John Caius was in there too. Making snide comments and reporting back to

William Aro what she had been doing for all of 2 minutes away from her desk.

They were trying to break her and were hoping that she would just quit. But her

save of the Seaman's account would at least grant her another month here, much

to their disappointment.

I stared at the proposal and mockups before me. The campaign was coming

along nicely, and it didn't take much for me to reach back to my college level of

immaturity to sexualize the product.

Who was I kidding? I would probably never rise above that level of immaturity.

I picked up the phone to dial the receptionist. "Heidi? Can you patch me through

to Emmett's cell phone? I think he's in LA."

As I waited for the connection, I saw Bella pass by my office. Head down, holding

a lone sheet of paper and a pen like always. I smiled knowing that the paper was

just for show. She was going to talk to Alice and they probably wouldn't emerge

for an hour or so. I may have been the only one to notice, but probably not.

Just another thing to make Management hate her.

The phone was ringing through, and going directly to voicemail. I was thinking of

something snarky to leave on my best friend's voicemail, when a shriek

interrupted my thoughts. Clearly, as though she were in my very own office, I

heard Bella scream, "He said WHAT?"

BPOV

Alice was eying me incredulously, and shaking her little spiky haired head.

Turning a thumb sideways, she pointedly reminded me, "Thin walls, B."

I was on the verge of a full blown panic attack. Alice had just informed me that

there had been another complaint about me from the Executives. This time it was

for making oatmeal in the kitchen for breakfast. "Last week I got reprimanded for

bringing my breakfast to work. Now I can't even make it here?"

Alice nodded her head in understanding. "The kicker was that I was eating

oatmeal in here when he came by to tell me. Caius said you were in there for an

'exorbitant' amount of time this morning." Finger quotes. Ugh.

"Two minutes is too long for him? I made a new pot of coffee for his ungrateful

ass!" My stomach was in knots and I wished that I had somewhere else to go.

Somewhere else to work. Somewhere else to live, if that's what it took.

Maybe I could join The Army?

"He said that no one else eats their breakfast here and that it is hindering you

from starting your day." A little laugh escaped her lips. "We all know that's not

true, but honestly, Bella? How am I supposed to defend that? I guess you'll just

have to lay even lower than you have been. If that's even possible." She paused

and looked at me with a concern on her face that made me want to fall apart

right there. "Are you going to be okay?"

I stared at her for a second. I loved this woman with all of my heart. It was killing

me to stay, but I did because of her. Because if she stayed, I stayed. She was the

best boss I have ever had. And one of the best friends I could ever ask for. And

as she sat behind her big faux oak desk, her slight frame pushed forward in

concern, the spiky hair atop her head swaying as she shook it, deep green eyes

pleading with me...I knew I had to stay.

"I'll be fine." Choking back tears, I let the lie fall from my lips. "Will there be

anything else?"

She let her lips turn up into an unsatisfied smile and said meekly, "Aro wants you

to help plan the Christmas party." She stopped speaking and let the words sink

in.

"But you plan parties," I stammered. "Not me!"

She nodded again and said that she would help. And by help, she meant she

would do all of the work in order to make it easier on me. I sighed in resignation.

"Great. Just another opportunity to fail." I took the instructions for the festivities

and rose from my seat. "I'll be leaving for lunch. I really have to get out of here

today."

She said she understood and explained that she would be going to lunch with

Jasper. In secret, of course. After all, no one other I knew that she was secretly

dating the temp. And they snuck off each day to get 'lunch' while I tried to find

an obscure place to eat my food. I usually brought my leftovers from the dinner

that I made every night for one. And since I only knew how to cook for two, given

that I did all of the cooking for my respective parents growing up, Alice always

had my leftovers the next day. Today I had sautéed chicken and garlic pasta.

But, I guess I could always save it for tonight.

Leftovers again. Awesome.

I opened her door and hurried as fast as possible down the hallway to my small

8x10 cubicle. Once in the safety of my 3 walls, I snatched my iPod up and shoved

the ear buds in. Scrolling through the lists, I hit play and listened as Hayley's

voice washed over me. The pounding beat of Paramore's Conspiracy took over

my consciousness as I focused on the task at hand: Christmas Party.

As she reached the chorus,

Explain to me

This conspiracy against me

Tell me how

I lost my power

I had resolved to hold out for a few more weeks. As long as they were too scared

to fire me, I would stick around. After all, I had been through much worse in my

28 years.

Much worse.

Chapter 3

BPOV

Things had been going pretty smoothly for the last two weeks. I barely left my

cube to do anything other than pee. And even that I cut down to twice a day. I

even limited my water intake to make sure I wouldn't have to get up more often.

I was incredibly scared that I was going to get a kidney infection, but the

Executives had backed off, so maybe it was working.

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