So what exactly is it that makes sex sacred
The answer is something you're both familiar with and not: orgasm. If you are sexually experienced and fortunate enough to have enjoyed orgasm, you are intimately familiar with the exalted nature of that climax.
Orgasm is like no other experience. It is pure, unadulterated pleasure - some would say ecstasy - whereas common experience is a sullied mix of thoughts, emotions, efforts, rewards, joys, sorrows, and suffering. Orgasm liberates us from within, whereas common experience binds us up in externals -- activities, events, people, possessions, and the rest of the world we live in. And for that brief moment of orgasm itself, our experience is timeless & infinite - some would say spiritual - whereas common experience is constrained by the finite & mundane past, present, & future. So it is that we can conceive of orgasm as something truly sacred.
Then it ends.
All this you're familiar with; you know it as common sex -- momentary flashes of ecstatic bliss in a long lifetime of mixed mundane experience. What you may not be familiar with is extended or continuous orgasm.
The essence of transforming sex into something sacred is simple: make orgasm last.
When orgasm is extended - for seconds, minutes, hours - that fleeting spiritual experience that you enjoy in conventional orgasm evolves into a truly sacred union. It is a union of you and your peak experience, an awakening to the possibility of being in that experience forever, a glimpse that your true nature IS blissful ecstasy - eternally - and that the limitations & problems you struggle with daily are just a dream, or rather a nightmare, a perception you've made up for yourself that hides the true magnificence of life. Then sex is not a brief orgasmic event, but rather the ecstatic climax, pure love, and spiritual unity you feel for extended periods. Common orgasm blossoms into sacred orgasm.
This experience is the essence of sacred sex.
And like everything in life, it grows. In time, as you practice, you grow accustomed to enjoying sacred orgasm for longer periods. Your body chemistry changes, producing more & more of the endorphins, etc., of ecstasy. Your cells metabolize it, transforming your physiology into a literal body of bliss. Your brain & nervous system reciprocate with a subjective experience of ecstasy. Orgasm lingers, even after sex. You begin to live everyday life in that same peak awareness you enjoy during sexual climax.
It continues to grow. Soon, that which was fleeting - pure, timeless spirit - is there every day; and that which was everyday - limitation and struggle - is fleeting. Ecstasy is the norm, mundane experience fades. Then one day you wake up to your full sexual potential: you live life in a permanent state of orgasmic ecstasy. This is sexual enlightenment.
Sacred sex is the ultimate 'no-brainer' sex -- literally.
Sacred Union, which you experience through sacred sex, is a state of thoughtless, timeless ecstasy beyond individual mind, that awakens you to your universal nature. In a way, it is sexual union with the entire universe. The universe is your partner, and like in common sex, you feel one with your partner at the moment of orgasm. The only difference is that Sacred Union can be permanent, so that the moment of orgasm never ends. You are literally one with creation -- forever.
As far-fetched as that may sound, it is a very real and concrete experience. You can read more about Sacred Union later, but for now the best part is that you needn't understand or believe any of that. What's more, it's the easiest ecstasy in the world to reach -- and the journey is erotic.
The reason sacred sex is so easy is that the goal - ecstasy - is exactly what you want. You simply follow your desire to your goal.
But if this rapture is everyone's desire, you might ask, why aren't we already there? Why isn't Sacred Union our everyday orgasm? It's because ecstasy is like treasure buried beneath a candy store. The candy store is common sex. Every day we go to the store for our sugar high, thinking it to be ecstasy. We try different flavors, take advice from candy 'experts' about which one is best, gossip with locker-room friends about the new treat we tried last night -- all the while unaware of the treasure trove below.
In common sex, the only ecstasy we know is orgasm -- so we rush to that candy for our fleeting fix. But once we learn that a far sweeter treasure lies hidden within, our sugar craving leads us on a treasure hunt for that supremely sweet ecstasy.
Before we learn more about that treasure, let's first clarify what sacred sex is NOT.
Sacred sex is NOT a sex manual. It's not about countless hard-to-do techniques that you have to be a sexual Houdini to master. It's also not about rigid disciplines that take all the fun out of sex in exchange for a promise of ecstasy.
Neither is it one of those new age ideas about putting more time & attention into sex in order to get more out. Really, it's the opposite: you don't get more pleasure from sex because you give it time & attention, you give it time & attention because you get more pleasure! The ecstasy of sacred sex draws you in; it so deeply satisfies that it absorbs you more and more. This happens by itself - automatically & naturally - not by setting your mind to it.
You give sex as much time & attention as you choose, based on the pleasure it brings, just like anything else.
Not only does sacred sex not require any time or energy commitment, it uses your current sexual mind-set to create an entirely new experience. You don't even need to change your attitude toward sex. Simply do the practice and you'll grow in sacred sex experience, regardless of attitude.
Sacred sex is a path of genuine experience, a true self-discovery with real signs of rising pleasure, ecstasy, bliss, peace, awakening, and realization. It is a down-to-earth, here-and-now spiritual path for everyone. Sacred sex is not just for 'believers'.
One of the false notions of our time is that spirituality is all about faith -- belief in someone or something that you can't prove and don't experience. This is like deifying Passion Fruit and building an entire faith-based religion around it, all the while never seeing that fruit on a nearby tree, and neither touching, smelling, nor tasting it.
Sacred sex replaces the idea that spirituality means having faith with the deeper truth of having experience. Experience removes all doubt, debate, and conflict over the nature of Truth. If something exists, we should be able to experience and enjoy it, here & now. Whatever we hold as a spiritual ideal - whether it be God, universal mind, or simply our highest human nature - we are to realize it, and live it now.
Sacred sex lets experience do the talking. It doesn't care what you understand or believe -- including what you are reading now. Simply try sacred sex, and your own experience reveals its value.
Now you know what sacred sex is not. It's not a sex manual, rigid discipline, positive attitude, or belief system. It's not a bunch of techniques and it's not hard to master.
So what exactly IS sacred sex? We'll start with a few basics.
Sacred sex is simple, natural, and fun -- anyone can do it. It's also playful, erotic, and sexy, so that you WANT to do it.
Sacred sex is based on universal principles, and so complements all life paths and opposes none. You can easily learn it in a few lessons, and it brings ever growing and deepening experience throughout your life. Sacred sex easily fits into your current sex practice.
Sacred sex is simple & sexy mainly because it doesn't rely on a storehouse of techniques that you must remember and mechanically use. Rather, it uses sex itself as a technique to lead you to deeper ecstasy.
What's the difference between sex techniques and sex as a technique in itself?
An analogy would be a musician who learns every technique for creating musical sounds, but can't compose a beautiful symphony. Or a builder who knows how to hammer and saw, but can't build a house.
Techniques are one thing, how to use them is another. That in itself is a technique -- the ultimate technique. It's the difference between sex and sacred sex.
All the techniques in the world won't get you anywhere if you don't know how to use them. If you do, on the other hand, you can erect what you want with the greatest of ease (pun intended).
Sacred sex techniques are few, and so simple and natural that they hardly qualify as techniques. We just call them that because they're new. They quickly become part of your sexual routine, just as you add anything else that makes sex better.
More important is the technique of sex itself. This makes the difference between a builder and a master-builder, or a musician and a virtuoso. Step into a musician's shoes for a moment and imagine what it might be like, in terms of melody:
Like your musical counterpart, you arrive on stage without need of an arranged score -- just basic musical notes and the secret of transforming them into song. You make beautiful improvisational music, unique and from the heart each time. You explore the full range of tone and tempo, blending harmonies and repeating catchy refrains, always knowing how to fashion the tune to evoke exactly the musical experience you intend.
And that's just solo. When your musical partner joins you on stage for an improv jam, you each bring your personal flavor to the musical mix. At times, you lead; at others, your partner. But mostly you merge in unison, your hearts beating in rhythm. Your music is ecstatic and sends you both into an altered state beyond the limitations of individual performance, into a symphonic union that is bigger than both of you together.
This is the kind of experience you enjoy in sacred sex. The technique is called 'sacred sex surfing' -- you'll learn it in Lesson 2.
But even this is not the real treasure of sacred sex. The true treasure is this:
Sacred sex transforms momentary orgasm into permanent sexual ecstasy.
When orgasm goes deeper and lasts longer, eventually permeating your entire being every moment of your life, then sex is truly sacred. Best of all, sacred sex does this using your body's natural orgasmic tendency and capacity. You'll discover that you are multi-orgasmic by nature.
Before we explain this bold claim in sexual terms, let's use our treasure analogy to show how this differs from common sex.
We said common sex is like candy. It's a treat, but it's fast-food. It gives you a sugar rush, is gone in a flash, and leaves you a little lethargic, always hungry for more. It's not completely satisfying.
Sacred sex is different. Rather than fast-food, sacred sex is gourmet -- not necessarily fancy (though you can spice it up as you like), but exquisite. It tastes delicious and fully satisfies.
Sacred sex fills you with juicy new sexual flavors that penetrate mind & body to their very core, flooding you with ecstasy that is beyond sensory pleasure. It is a transcendental rapture that is no longer about sex, but rather ecstasy itself. You drown in orgasmic ecstasy. You literally become what you eat -- you metabolize orgasm into your very being. You enjoy Sacred Union.
There is even more.
Your body so deeply metabolizes the fruit of rapture that its aftertaste lingers long after sex. Over time, this sexual afterglow grows and grows, until it becomes permanent. You convert the taste of ecstasy into a body that lives & breathes it. Rapture itself is your food and you are permanently baptized in bliss. Life is everyday sexual ecstasy.
This is 24/7 Sexual Enlightenment.
These descriptions may sound fanciful and abstract (and you needn't understand or believe them), but they are very real and the words chosen to express them - analogy aside - are precise. As you begin sacred sex practice, you'll get a hint of this and the words will start to ring true. Once you taste this culinary treasure and compare it to the 'junk food' you're used to, you're hooked. And because you know where this treasure is and how to get there, you can guide yourself through sacred sex; no manual needed. You become a true virtuoso.
This is the sign of true sexual mastery.
If you ask any music virtuoso or master builder, they always know where they're going. The musician has a sense of the musical experience she or he wants to create. Likewise, the homebuilder envisions what his or her dream house will look like. They can start with no plan in mind and still get to the goal. Even if some creative details are left open, they know a beautiful home and musical score, and can create them on the fly.
The way there is secondary. They may have a few sketches or stanzas in mind, or maybe there's a plan but something comes up and they have to adjust - improvise - to carry it out. In any case, their end vision sees them through.
This is what makes them masters of their crafts. Knowing their destination, they can get there any number of ways. They have power and freedom because they know that wherever time or circumstance takes them - or desire or whim - they can always steer to the goal. The virtuoso knows the way home.
Knowing the treasure hidden within sex is like the knowing the fragrance of your favorite food -- no matter where you are in the hunt, you can always sniff out your desire. The treasure itself - deep, long lasting orgasmic ecstasy - attracts you to it.
This is the analogy, now let's talk sex.
The first thing to know about orgasm, before we even get to the details, is its role in sex and the effect that has on the entire sex act.
Orgasm consummates sex. It is the main reason we do it, and what we aim for in sex. While it may sound un-sexy to say it, it's typically our 'goal'. Most important, orgasm has a certain meaning for each of us that breeds ideas of how to get there (pun intended, again ). We have some vision of our goal, whether clear or cloudy, conscious or unconscious (or subconscious). Our notion of what orgasm is shapes our idea of how to get there.
Unfortunately, in nearly every case, our idea of orgasm is a limited vision that results in a misguided path to it. This confines us to limited sexual satisfaction. We settle for orgasm when we can have something more -- orgasmic ecstasy. We trade our treasure for candy.
For most people, orgasm is a sexual rush, and the way to it is frantic, stimulating activity -- specifically, lubricated friction between certain body parts.
But orgasm can be much more than that. For starters, orgasm can be more than a one-time rush. You can enjoy many, many orgasms every time you have sex, whether you're male or female. You can also enjoy extended or continuous orgasm, that lasts several minutes, hours, days...even permanently. Beyond conventional genital orgasm, you can bask in full-body orgasm that floods every fiber of your being. Most of all, you can slip into a sublime state of perfect ecstasy, where all time, space, and thought stop, and you commune with your inner bliss in a life-altering experience that will be your sexual awakening. You can have Sacred Union.
Even this description - without details of what orgasm is and how it works - inspires a different idea of how to get there. No longer do you want to charge through sex to hyper-excited climax. You want to soak and languish in it, savoring every succulent drop, every satisfying moment, imbibing its ecstatic essence. You want to be there forever.
Once you understand more about orgasm - what it is, what induces it, why it ends, and how to make it last - you'll see how to do exactly that. So, what exactly is so special about sacred sex orgasm that makes it a treasure compared to candy store climax? To explain this clearly, let's dispel some common myths about orgasm, and reveal a few secrets.
'PHACTS & PHALLUSIES'
ABOUT ORGASM
FALLACY: Orgasm won't happen unless you work at it.
FACT: Orgasm happens because you are naturally orgasmic.
We are typically so obsessed and excited by sex that we fail to appreciate its most basic component -- our natural sexuality. Our bodies are programmed for sexual arousal and response in the same way that they're designed to breathe, eat & digest food, sleep, expel waste, and perform every other natural bodily function. Every tissue, muscle, and nerve in your genital region (and elsewhere too) performs its automatic function to bring you to sexual climax. Functionally, you barely have to do anything.
In fact, startling new research indicates that this is even truer than it sounds. Physiologists now say that the body's natural state is sexually aroused, and that the brain and nervous system must actually work to suppress our constant arousal. Sacred sex explains this by the fact that life energy and sex energy are one and the same. Therefore, it's no surprise that heightened sexuality is a natural part of general life.
You are always sexy, naturally.
So why is it that we think we have to work so hard to orgasm? It's certainly not desirable.
Everyone loves a freebie. Now we see that sex is the ultimate freebie, yet our go-go-go society is so caught up in working hard to get things that we miss a perfect chance to get something for nothing. In sex, we pay for this by exhausting our sex energy doing it! It's like going to the candy store with all your money, getting caught up in the rush, and blowing your wad -- shopping spree's over (ouch, that pun hurt ). Truth is, the candy's free -- you don't need to spend your savings; you can shop & shop to your heart's content.
Your natural sexuality means that you don't need to over-expend your energy, so you can enjoy hours and hours of orgasm.
You'll get a feel for your natural sexuality in the HomePlay at the end of the lesson, when you'll see it in action.
If orgasm isn't happening naturally, it's because something inside you - either a psychological, emotional, or physiological block - is getting in the way. You'll learn more about how to deal with those in Lesson 17, and also in the Sexual Health & Healing Forum.
FALLACY: Orgasm results from sexual stimulation.
FACT: Orgasm results from heightened arousal.
The common experience in sex is that if you don't stimulate, you don't orgasm. So we think there is a direct cause and effect. But we're leaving something out in the middle, and it turns out that this 'middleman' is the most important part of the equation. That middleman is arousal.
We often lump stimulation and arousal together, but they are two very distinct things. Stimulation is a physical sensation (typically). Arousal is the heightened energy and pleasure we feel as a result.
It commonly happens that stimulation automatically triggers arousal, and that's why we don't distinguish enough between the two. Stimulation is the active principle; we take arousal for granted. But when that 'automatic' response isn't there, you'll clearly see that it's arousal, not stimulation, that matters. Let's take an extreme example.
If you inject novocaine into the genitals, you can stimulate all you want but you won't get aroused (except perhaps by the thought of it, but that's a different type of stimulation, as you'll see in a moment). And if you were born numb and remained so to this day, you'd likely have no interest in stimulation at all.
This may seem far afield from everyday sex, but it's not. There are many cases where men and women experience what we commonly call 'emotional numbness'. People who have become emotionally numb as a result of sexual abuse or repression, or even general stress, find their natural capacity for pleasure, arousal, and orgasm, shut down. Emotional inability to feel pleasure directly translates into physiological numbness. Women cannot orgasm, and men can neither gain erection nor orgasm. In such cases, physical stimulation is not only ineffective, it is often uncomfortable and distressing.
A less extreme but more common example is the fading sizzle of a new relationship. Long-term couples often find that the same old stimulation has lost its magic. It's because the added arousal of the new experience is gone.
If stimulation were in fact the key, the same stimulation would bring the same arousal every time. We know that's not true. The person, place, time, circumstance, and other factors all affect our arousal. And it's arousal, not stimulation, that counts.
Arousal is primary, stimulation is secondary. The many ways we stimulate is further proof of this. We commonly think that sexual stimulation equates with genital rubbing. But any sexual connoisseur will tell you that that's just scratching the surface (no comment on that pun). Here are just a few: mental stimulation (fantasizing about sex); visual stimulation (seeing your lover's body or looking at sexy pictures); audial stimulation, otherwise known as 'talking dirty', around which an entire industry - phone sex - has been built; olfactory stimulation, or, as Al Pacino might say, the 'scent of a woman'; plus every conceivable fetish turn-on there is.
All these stimulators aim at one thing: arousal. If they don't arouse, they are nothing. Why do you think that one person's fetish means nothing to another -- because it doesn't arouse them. We only enjoy and desire stimulation for the arousal it brings.
While we're distinguishing between stimulation and arousal, we should also mention pleasure. It's a similar myth that stimulation equals pleasure. The numbness examples show that pleasure too results from arousal, not stimulation. It's not what someone does to us, it's what we feel.
The point here is that we're all caught up in stimulation, when we'd get much more out of sex if we had better techniques of arousal. Sacred sex stimulates you in a different way, a way that leads to deeper, long lasting arousal. This prepares the fertile ground for real orgasmic ecstasy.
FALLACY: Orgasm happens at the moment of peak sexual activity.
FACT: Orgasm happens the moment you let go of everything, including sexual activity.
If the previous fact & fallacy pair lessened your fixation on stimulation, this one will free you forever. The common experience is this:
During sex, orgasm always comes at the frenzied peak of stimulation. So the two must be connected, right? Wrong. The truth is that orgasm happens despite your frenzied activity.
What really happens is this: you build up arousal through stimulation. When your sexual energy is sufficiently aroused, it induces orgasm. Inside, you let go of everything - love, sex, desire, even thought - and fall into orgasmic bliss. Your body may continue its sexual activity for a bit because you've been going full steam, but even your body stops as you fully relax into orgasm. In fact, sexual stimulation is often uncomfortable ('too intense') during orgasm because your body is trying to relax and absorb the experience, and you're pushing it ahead.
There is even the expression 'collapse into orgasm'. It is a release or letting go.
When we see orgasm in terms of arousal, rather than stimulation, it becomes clearer.
We said orgasm is the body's response to sexual arousal. It's your body's way of balancing energy. With stimulation, sex energy builds and your body gets highly charged. This throws off its normal equilibrium. Your body responds by releasing or letting go of the energy. You experience this release as orgasm.
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