Week 19.pdf

WEEK NINETEEN

Welcome to Week Nineteen of the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan. We hope you are

having a great week and are ready for this week's journey.

This week Jim and Chris take a closer look at what can be some of the most challenging,

yet rewarding relationships we ever experience in our lives - Family/Children and

Spousal Relationships.

I suspect that most of our enrollees tend to be ambitious and motivated individuals. And

contrary to many perceptions, this also usually means you are also very desirous of

having loving and caring relationships and you usually do (in other words the qualities

you possess related to wanting to grow, improve and be your best in business are also

great qualities to have in any relationship). However, a frequent occurrence for the

entrepreneurial, self-motivated individual in relationships can be the tendency for mates

and family members to balance each other out. If you tend to get overly excited or have

strong opinions, you might find that those closest to you may try and balance that out by

backing off a bit or being more conservative in their opinions. For example, the same

principle might come into play in regards to disciplining your children. When one parent

is being especially strict it might be the inclination for the other parent to feel the need to

nurture more. Or if one is having an "anything goes" type of day with the kids, then the

other parent may then want more structure. Well, this can also be true in how it relates to

your work. When you pour it on the most or are extremely focused, you might be met

with less motivation or support from your family relationships. This can be extremely

frustrating for both sides. You feel unappreciated and they feel left out. But the reality is

that you are appreciated and they are not left out. However, because sometimes things

can get too far out of balance, a reaction can occur.

So the key point for any of you driven, motivated types in regards to this scenario, is to

not let things get too far out of balance. Your heart might be at home, but you are at the

office. So, in order for your significant relationships to truly be successful, you need to

invest both your heart and time into them. As you do this, then you will receive back the

support and understanding that will help you create the results you are seeking in your

business life.

As the song goes that both my daughter and son learned when they were in kindergarten,

and actually got me hooked on - "Four hugs a day, that's the minimum. Four hugs a day,

not the maximum. Four hugs a day, that's the minimum hugs."

Have a great weekend and Enjoy the Journey!

Kyle

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RELATIONSHIPS

Jim Rohn's Fifth Pillar of Success: Relationships, Part Two –

Family and Spousal Relationships

Hi, Jim Rohn here. This month we are exploring the secrets of successful relationships,

and are seeking to understand what ingredients make healthy relationships in our lives.

We are looking at four main areas:

1. Basics of Healthy Relationships. There are certain fundamentals that, if mastered,

will take you far down the road of healthy relationships. The key to understanding

relationships is that relationships involve people. And while every person is different,

there are general principles that make most people tick. If we understand these basics or

fundamentals, and operate accordingly, we can make our bad relationships good and our

good relationships great. We covered these basics in last week's edition.

2. Family and Spousal Relationships. The primary relationships that most people have

are with their family. Yes, that wonderful enigma we call family. Those deep and

meaningful relationships that can bring the highlights - and the lowlights - of life. That

group of people, many of whom we didn't even get to choose, who will walk through this

life with us. Your family relationships must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort and

imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship growing and

flourishing. We will discuss how to have great family and spousal relationships in this

week's edition.

3. Friendships. Second to family, friends are the most important relationships we have.

Friendships are unique because they are the relationships we have that are almost entirely

voluntary. You don't get to choose your parents or your siblings, but you do get to choose

your friends. And so many times we find that these relationships can provide matchless

dynamics not found in our other relationships. These especially can, in their own special

way, enhance our other relationships. This makes the relationship unique, and we will

take a deeper look into successful friendships next week.

4. Business Relationships. Many people do not understand how powerful relationships

are in business. You've heard me say it before, but you cannot succeed by yourself. It is

hard to find a rich hermit. So many times we underestimate this unique dynamic that has

the potential to take us to new levels in our businesses. We may understand that family

and friends are about relationships, but mistakenly think that "business is business". The

fact is that even in business, relationships rule. Think for a moment about two sales

people, one of whom is a friend and one of whom you have never met before. When it

comes right down to it, you are most likely to buy from the one you know. That is the

foundation of relationships. In two weeks, we will look at how to have great business

relationships.

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Last week I gave you some of the basics of healthy relationships. This week I want to

review five of the eight basics and apply them specifically to the relationships we have

with our spouses and children. We will take love, a serving heart, honest communication,

patience, and fun and give you specific examples of how to apply them to these very

important relationships.

First, however, a word about relationships. People are not perfect. I am certainly not

perfect. As I mentioned in last week’s email, relationships provide both the best of times

and the hardest of times that we experience in our lives. With that in mind, as I go

through these, I want you to understand that there is room here for growth. If you have

had broken relationships in your past, while that is unfortunate, it is also okay. We can

move forward. We can experience reconciliation and restoration. Life does not have to

end for us. Hopefully what happens is that we learn and grow and make our next

relationships more healthy and secure than those that have come before. And this week as

we look at these aspects of relationships, keep that in mind. It isn’t how perfect you have

been in the past that counts, but how well you can do now and in the future that will

provide you with the kinds of relationships you are looking for.

In each of the following I will make specific comments for both healthy relationships

with your spouse and your children. My assumption for the sake of this lesson will be for

children under 18 years of age. Later in this edition though, I do have a note for those of

you with adult children, and how to make the most of those relationships. Afterward,

Chris is going to give you some thoughts on praising people as well as some questions for

reflection and action points to apply this week that will help drive these thoughts home.

Now let's get started.

Love:

Spouse - You have probably heard the old joke about the man whose wife says to him,

“Honey, how come you don’t tell me you love me anymore?” And he answers, “I told

you I loved you when we got married and that has never changed.” Well, it doesn’t work

that way! We can’t assume that our spouse knows – or feels – that we love them. Part of

marriage is making sure that we are continually expressing our love to our spouse. A

recent best-selling book discusses the idea that we all have our own unique “love”

language. That is, people are more able to interpret your love better when you speak their

love language. For example, your spouse may respond best when told verbally that you

love him or her. Verbal affirmation may be their primary love language. Another love

language is time spent with the other person. You may tell your spouse that you love her

but what she really wants is for you to spend time with her. I would encourage you to

pursue this idea more. The book I’m referring to above is, "The Five Love Languages:

How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman. I would

encourage you to pick it up and read it.

Children - Love is the greatest gift you can give your children. This world we live in can

be so mixed up at times, and with the tenuousness it often gives off, our children need the

absolute, unconditional love of their parents. So much of what children grow up to

become is based on the love they feel and experience from their parents. The love of a

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parent is foundational for developing healthy, well-rounded children who grow up to be

healthy, well-rounded adults who are productive members of society.

A Serving Heart:

Spouse - As I get to these later stages of life and look back not only on my own life but

also in the lives of so many others that I am involved, I see more and more the need for a

serving heart to be central in the life of anyone who is going to be married.

Unfortunately, all too many people get married with the perspective that the other person

exists to make them happy. In reality, when we get married, we are making a

commitment to serve the other person. Our hearts must be selflessly devoted to that

principle if we are to make it work. Imagine the power there would be in a marriage if

each person made it their first commitment to serve the other. Now this only works if

both make that commitment, otherwise one person feels taken advantage of. But when

both people come from the perspective that they are going to devote their life to the other

– watch out!

Now let me give you a word of caution here. When I say that each person devotes their

life to the other, I don't mean that a person should loose their identity or compromise the

essence of who they are to the other person for the "sake" of the relationship. We must

each bring our wholeness, our talents, our uniqueness of personality and giftings to the

relationship because that is so key to a healthy, successful relationship. You've heard me

say it in my seminars and I'll reiterate it here, I'll take care of me for you and you take

care of you for me. It's the subtle balance of respecting and loving myself enough to take

care of me for the betterment of a relationship. Because when I'm a healthy individual

how much more can I bring to and invest in a relationship than if, as I said earlier, I am

wrongly looking for someone else to make me happy? So take the time to invest in caring

for yourself and bringing the best of you to a relationship so that you can pour that joy,

caring and uniqueness into the other person. What a miraculous process to engage in and

what an incredible gift to give to not only the other person but also to you!

Children - One of the best examples we can give to our children is one of service. Are

we willing to serve our children? When they are very young the choice is an easy one –

we feed them, change their diapers, etc., because they are completely dependent upon us.

As they get older though, imagine the impact we can make on them and the example we

set for them, when we are willing to serve them and look out for their needs. Now here

again when I say serve them, I don't mean that you should do everything for them thus

fostering helplessness in them. But when they ask for our help or the opportunity presents

itself for us to selflessly serve them in ways that teach them to serve others, we should

capitalize on these moments. You heard me say it last week, but I strongly believe that

one person caring for another represents one of life's greatest values.

“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination

must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.”

-- Jim Rohn

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