The Drink Tank 099 (2006).pdf

Well, you may be reading this on

eFanzines.com. If you’re not, you should

know that this isn’t the perfect ver-

sion of the zine. There’s a cover, but I

couldn’t come up with a way to present

it without doing some very weird things.

So, this is the simple version.

This issue features Jason Schachat

and myself and some Frank Wu. Gotta

love my contributors.

And there’s issue 100 staring down

on me. I can’t wait to start that one, but

it’ll take a while.

Cinematocracy II: Why we watch the same

old crap over and over again.

By Jason Schachat

Big Hollywood movies are about big

money. Always remember that.

Whenever you see the “Coming

Attractions” and ask yourself “Good God,

why did they cast THAT guy in that role?” or

“A sequel to THAT?” or “Who thought anyone

would want to see THAT?”, the answer is

people thought it’d make money.

Remember, the means of production

lie in the hands of the bean counters.

In the beginning of ilm history, we

were still trying to shake off the cobwebs of

patronage, but not very successfully. We

mostly just traded our wealthy patrons

for wealthy entrepreneurs. Rather than

commissioning art for vanity’s sake, the

guys in charge realized they could turn a

tidy proit if they gave the public what they

demanded. Even if it was boxing cats.

Then we made the quantum leap from

cheap novelty acts to feature productions.

The moving picture show grew from a

downtrodden oddity into the greatest mass

medium in known history.

But what did that hinge on? The star

system. If people couldn’t stop raving about

how great a performance was in one ilm,

you’d be stupid not to sign that actor up for

another ilm. Playing the same role. Over

and over until everyone got sick of them.

Only there was a problem: turned

out people didn’t get sick of

some of them. Some became

downright iconic. Humphrey

Bogart, John Wayne,

Marilyn Monroe– these were

American archetypes. These

were the characters people

just couldn’t get enough

of. As long as they stayed

the same (Don’t put Bogey

in a Western. Don’t cast

John Wayne as Genghis

Khan. Don’t give Marilyn an

accent.), the people would

keep buying. These were the

superstars.

So lash-forward to

the present. Where are our

superstars? Who never fails?

Who appeals to the majority

of Americans?

Well, when we turn to

the bean counters, we get

list after list of numbers,

demographics, projected

earnings, trend analyses, etc.

They’ll tell us Tara Reid is due

to hit it big. John Travolta is

the comeback kid. M. Night

Shyamalan is the master

storyteller of our age.

This is the darker

side of the star system:

the unending lies the PR

machine forces us to wade

through. You’ll read TV

Guide and ind EVERY new

show is worth tuning in for.

Every Hollywood director

is a genius, every producer

is visionary, every actor is

extraordinary, and the writers

come up with stuff no one’s

ever thought of before. The

next Spielberg! A young

George Lucas! The legacy of

Brando!

We all know that’s not

true, but they just need to

convince us long enough for

the money to leave our hands.

So, how does this affect the

Cinematocracy? How is the landscape of the

ilm world chained to it? What the shrieking

hell will get us out of here?

The bleak answer is “nothing”. There

is no way to escape the star system, even

in a future where online distribution is king

and all ilmmakers are true equals (*laugh,

chuckle, guffaw*). Capitalism has proven

the success of branding. Familiarity with

the product will always ensure greater sales.

Repackage last year’s big seller. Give the

people what they want. Malibu Stacy with a

new hat will sell better than Lisa Lionheart.

But take a closer look at the inner

workings of the machine. Look at competing

cinemas around the world. True, America is

on top. Has been for decades. Look closer:

It’s not America so much as Hollywood. The

ilms of New York, Chicago, San Francisco,

Miami, and Austin are not the big sellers.

It’s the ones that come from that tiny piece

of America.

What is the world watching? Primarily

movies with Hollywood stars. As long

as something was crapped out of this

constrained system, it has the branding to

get big notice. But the star system HAS

faced its share of dry spells. The last of the

studio icons faded out around the 1960s

and left a barren landscape.

The immediate strategy (being

repeated today) is to ire up the cloning

machine and push some new old

personalities. Brad Pitt tries to expand

his horizons in indie ilm; you need a new

young stud. You reach back into the sack

and pull out a Leonardo DiCaprio. Leo has

too much trouble coping with success, you

start pushing trendy new Freddie Prinze Jr.

He misires, you push Josh Hartnett. No

go? Well, that Paul Walker tested well with

our focus groups... Huh. Him neither? Ah,

Colin Farrell looks stable--

We do have bona ide stars working

today. Julia Roberts, Robin Williams, Tom

Hanks, Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington–

there’s a laundry list of people who deine

their brand, regardless of how much

money their last three ilms made. But

can you count on them? Can they carry

an otherwise dull ilm? Will people lock to

“Death to Smoochy” like they would “Mrs.

Doubtire”.

That’s when we add in the next part

of the equation: familiar stories. Known

formulas (the infamous “5 stories”), sequels,

popular adaptations, and copycats. A ilm

in the Pixar mold will sell. A new Star Wars

movie will sell. A Harry Potter adaptation

will sell. Turning “Kimba the White Lion”

into “The Lion King” sells.

Go with what works. Everything

that’s old is new again. If it made money

once, it’ll make money twice. Look to the

past, and you’re just seeing the future in

bellbottoms–but they’re IN.

How do we leave Hollywood behind?

Entropy? Everything breaks down in the

long run...

American copyright law could become

increasingly strict. Suddenly, rights carry

on indeinitely past the death of the creator.

New interpretations of law kill off formula

ilmmaking. Hollywood’s system implodes

while international productions see a

renaissance and archives

become the real moneymakers.

A new batch of American stars could

fail to catch on (It’s happened before).

During that time, maybe numerous

Australian actors rise to international

prominence and remain in the Aussie ilm

system rather than emigrating to the States(

No, THAT’s never happened before). The

Australian studios become so proitable,

Americans, Canadians, and Brits emigrate

there instead. Bam– the ilm capital of the

world is no longer in America.

An increasingly Latino United States

could encourage a shift in studio target

demographics, just like it changed the face

of radio programming. Would proits in the

global market be lost while they work for

greater/faster domestic revenues?

Special effects, the driving force

behind the worldwide top ten, could take

a giant step forward. Live action movies

become a thing of the past. The last

generation of motion picture actors do

voice-overs until voice synthesizers become

sophisticated enough to make them obsolete

in even that regard. As with Pixar, branding

sells the ilm. Location no longer matters.

Hollywood dries up.

But there are

machines in place to keep this from

happening. Lobbyists, Lawyers, and Los

Angeles County. They’ve dug their claws

in to keep that money lowing in the right

direction like any smart coalition or union

would.

And, when it comes to the face of

ilm, little will change if people keep making

“Hollywood ilms” outside of Hollywood. As

long as it sells, they’ll do it. The star system.

Formulas, sequels, popular adaptations, and

copycats. As long as people pay to see the

works of Shakespeare, you can bet actors

will keep performing them. The trick is to

make something people want to watch more.

That is the future of entertainment, just like

it is the past.

See how “art” its into all this in

Cinematocracy III: You All Suck/Give Me

Money .

What is my plan for Issue 100? 100

Different articles and Art Pieces. All with

all of my plans, they prove to be far too

big to actually work. So what? Huh? You

wanna make an issue of it? I’ll be happy

to introduce you to my two friends: Jack

Johnson and Tom O’Leary, my two friends

who usually live in my gloves!

I’ll be looking for articles on everything

with the Number 100 and/or Meaningless

Milestones being suggested themes.

In other words, I’ve been going to

con meetings since I’m running the fanzine

lounges at BayCon and Westercon. Seeing

the San Mateo Marriott where Westercon will

be, I’m fairly sure I’ll put out a good Lounge

for folks. There’ll be plenty of space for

chatting, enough space for the computers,

it’ll make for a good Fanzine in an Hour and

it might even make for a good place to read a

fanzine or two!

One thing I’ll say is that it won’t be a

dull joint. I learned at WorldCon that a good

fan lounge is made by having good folks

hanging out there, and I can deliver that!

What I’ve Been Doing Instead of

FANACing.

moreso was the fact that they each had

about 20 little plastic screws that pinned the

fabric-covered panels to the rails from the

back. There were 12 outer panels, nine inner

panels. That meant that there were roughly

200 plus little, annoying, ill-itting, cheaply

made screws. Seymour Cray, famous for

saving no expense, had cheaped out on

these things. For every ive I removed, one

head would just twist right off leaving the

inner part exactly where it started.

A week or two went by, mostly

because I was doing trainings and there’s

always way to much to get done around

here, so I didn’t get to work on it much.

I started taking off the panels, but then I

discovered what I should have know in the

irst place: the panels would not come off

unless I managed to get those plastic screws

out somehow. I managed to get a couple cut

out using a utility knife, but the others were

of much sterner stuff. I tried to pry, rip and

codge them off, but they were having none

of it. So, I could only remove a few of the

panels.

I had to ask the facilities department

to come and drill the screws out, since I’m

not allowed to use the drills (we have very

strange guidelines for these things!) and

I waited. And Waited. A week later, the

Monday before the event, I inally had them

drilling them and I managed to get all the

frames off so it was time to start installing

the plexiglass panels.

Well...almost.

You see, when I measured them, I

was measuring them with the fabric on, and

fabric has give but Plexi does not. The pieces

were too big for hte frames. Well, not all of

them. TAP Plastics is well-known for having

a certain level of tolerance when it comes to

the precision of their cuts, so some of them

it because they had been cut 1/8 of an inch

too small. So, I had a few that were right

that I could install with no problem. That

was good.

But then there were the others.

I thought it might just be a few so I

took one batch, 4 which were too wide, to

TAP and had them trim them to size. These

John Purcell wrote the LoC you’ll see

in this issue where he said he was worried

about me. It had been two full days since

he put up the lastest issue of In A Prior

Lifetime and I had yet to respond. Well, I did

send him an LoC about an hour or so after

I got his LoC, but the fact is, even that was

dificult. You see, I’ve been working on a

project that few can say they’ve ever done.

About a month before WorldCon, my

Boss asked me to measure some panels

for the Cray-1 Supercomputer. We were

planning on some sort of event and we

wanted to see about putting a Cray on

display where people could touch it and

sit on it. Afterall, it was once called The

World’s Most Expensive Loveseat. I took the

measurements and turned them over to my

boss who had a few panels made from them

for the outside. All was ine and dandy and I

went to WorldCon and I came back.

The plan was this: we’d be ordering

the panels and I’d take off the rails that

held the panels in place and then I’d slip

in the new panels. It sounds easy, no? No.

The rails were held in by screws (4-40, 3/8

screws, as I would learn) and a lot of them

weren’t exactly in the best of shape. Even

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