{2005}{2057}The Deadwood stage! {8547}{8582}Make mine sarsaparilla. {8735}{8765}It ain't so funny. {8814}{8862}Any excitement on this trip, Calam? {8868}{8927}Excitement! Why, I got more arrows|in the back... {8929}{8988}of that coach|than a porcupine's got stickers! {9028}{9080}Seemed like the whole Sioux nation. {9082}{9161}- Hey, where is that sarsaparilla?|- Here you are, Calam. {9559}{9615}No, please. Don't. Don't! {9714}{9754}Is there a woman in here? {9756}{9812}No, sir. Just Indians. {9920}{9972}Where is my actress? {10068}{10192}Without warning, down they come out|of them hills howling like souls in torment. {10196}{10248}There must have been 100 of them. {10350}{10389}It weren't no laughing matter. {10391}{10466}Sure, it wasn't. I'd hate to have|a war party that big on my tail! {10475}{10515}You know, Bill, except for me... {10517}{10609}you're the only other galoot in the world|could have brought that coach in. {10629}{10693}Of course,|it called for some mighty rapid shooting. {10695}{10765}My gun got so hot,|I had to sit with my legs stretched out... {10767}{10854}holding the muzzle of my gun between|my feet to keep it from curling up. {10884}{10964}I must have killed at least 30 of them|before they got discouraged. {11164}{11204}I've got to see to the horses. {11438}{11512}How many of them Injuns|you reckon I shot, Rattlesnake? {11528}{11564}About 30, I reckon, Calam. {11569}{11658}That's better. Next time I tell a story,|keep your hands in your pockets... {11660}{11697}you toothless old buffalo! {11733}{11771}Come and get them. {11795}{11880}Who wants cigarettes? Just came in|on the stage. A dollar a pack. {11978}{12078}Look at them, snapping at those cigarettes|like a bunch of silk-gloved dudes. {12117}{12192}- Another dying Robert E. Lee.|- I got General Grant. {12198}{12249}- Queen Victoria.|- Carnsarn boat again. {12254}{12299}I've got her! {12319}{12360}I'll give you $5 for it. {12362}{12442}I wouldn't take $50,|because I'm keeping her close to my heart. {12506}{12622}- What you suppose is getting into them?|- It's Adelaid, Calamity. Adelaid. {12646}{12682}What's an Adelaid? {12692}{12746}She's a hope. A dream. A vision. {12756}{12817}You see her carved on the prow|of an ancient ship... {12819}{12868}in the dying embers of the camp fire. {12870}{12994}Circe, Aphrodite, Helen of Troy.|In this case, it's Adelaid Adams. {13022}{13078}All that in a pack of cigarettes? {13199}{13229}Beautiful, ain't she? {13264}{13316}She's got nothing on but her underwear! {13325}{13365}Them is tights, Calam. {13376}{13444}She is a great actress, so they tell me. {13453}{13541}She's charming, a lovely figure,|everything a woman ought to be. {13596}{13676}She looks like a fat,|frilled-up side of undressed beef to me. {13692}{13788}I could look the same.|Except I've got ideas about modesty. {13804}{13892}It ain't one man wouldn't ride 100 miles|just for one glimpse of Miss Adams. {13916}{13972}You, maybe.|Some of that scum around here. {13978}{14042}But a gentleman wouldn't look twice|at such a picture. {14044}{14094}A gentleman like Lt. Gilmartin? {14124}{14208}Yes, now that you mention it.|Like Lt. Gilmartin. {14212}{14262}You're kind of stuck on him, ain't you? {14286}{14326}Ain't saying until he does. {14358}{14450}Where's he been, anyway?|I thought he'd be here to meet the stage. {14458}{14545}He's on duty at the Fort, I guess.|Last time I saw him was a week ago. {14564}{14618}He came in to buy a pack|of them cigarettes. {14715}{14791}Mr. Miller, please.|Nobody pays any attention to me. {14793}{14824}Why should they? {14826}{14938}But, Mr. Miller, you're expecting me.|I'm Francis Fryer. {14963}{14993}Where is my actress? {14997}{15082}The one who wrote me the letter|about my ad in the Chicago newspaper? {15087}{15165}I hired her.|She's supposed to be here. Look. {15180}{15209}I'm advertising her. {15276}{15304}Well, that's me. {15340}{15365}You're her? {15383}{15443}No, I'm not her. You see, I'm... {15466}{15509}Look. "Francis Fryer." {15554}{15639}You're Francis Fryer?|You deceived me. You're fired. {15672}{15741}No, you're not fired.|I've got to have somebody. {15751}{15774}I'm ruined. {15776}{15877}I advertised an actress. When that crowd|sees you tonight, they'll lynch me. {15883}{15922}Go hide in my office. {16100}{16134}Tell us all about it. {16136}{16176}What happened? Who got you? {16185}{16236}Indians. War party. {16240}{16323}There were five of us: Two surveyors|and a lieutenant from the Fort. {16328}{16368}They jumped us at Eagle Pass. {16397}{16461}They killed the surveyors|and the lieutenant. {16488}{16555}- What lieutenant?|- Gilmartin, his name was. {16592}{16673}- They got Danny Gilmartin?|- They got him, all right. The others, too. {16676}{16712}The rotten savages! {16768}{16844}How did they get him? Quick?|Clean? In the heart? {16849}{16906}- I reckon. Or in the head.|- Maybe both. {16916}{16942}Don't you know? {16944}{17004}They got him plenty.|They got him quick and fast. {17012}{17071}His horse went down.|He died right where he fell. {17073}{17127}Didn't you go back and find out for sure? {17129}{17248}How could we? They chased us|for 10 miles, showering us with arrows. {17288}{17323}You left him, didn't you? {17329}{17389}You never went back to see if|he was dead or alive. {17394}{17459}You slab-sided, white-bellied coyotes. {17470}{17536}You left Danny|like I wouldn't leave a hurt dog! {17554}{17628}- Calam, where are you going?|- To get Danny. {18709}{18729}Let's go! {19102}{19160}- Are you all right?|- Yeah. Just untie me. {19400}{19427}Get on that horse. {19662}{19756}Why do we have to ride the same horse?|We could've grabbed an Indian pony. {19764}{19798}It's cozier this way. {19988}{20024}What happened then, Calam? {20046}{20102}I give him a bullet|right between the eyeballs. {20114}{20183}Then me and Danny lit out,|two more of them coming after us. {20188}{20248}I shot them both. Didn't I, Danny? {20259}{20339}- Why... Well...|- You killed four of them? {20350}{20416}- That's all there were.|- You're the girl to do it, too. {20636}{20704}What's the matter with you?|Don't you believe me? {20708}{20732}Sure. {20748}{20810}Only, with you killing off|them redskins so fast... {20813}{20893}I was wondering why the government|even bothered to send the army. {20973}{21017}Are you calling me a liar again? {21098}{21142}Why don't you ever fix your hair? {21176}{21224}Adelaid Adams! I got her! Look! {21332}{21388}I didn't save you for no other female. {21648}{21704}Gentlemen and... Gentlemen. {21789}{21857}In keeping with the policy|of the Golden Garter... {21863}{21959}which strives to bring to Deadwood|the best in entertainment... {21961}{22002}regardless of the expense... {22010}{22090}it is my great pleasure|to present to you now... {22095}{22214}that lovely star, that toast of New York,|Miss Frances Fryer! {22807}{22917}- Come on. Get out there.|- Lf I go on as a woman, they'll murder me. {22919}{22999}If you don't, they'll murder you.|And me, too. Now, get out there. {23405}{23483}- Do you see what I see?|- She ain't very good-looking. {23517}{23553}That ain't all she ain't. {26414}{26449}Miller is in for it now. {26460}{26579}Please, I can explain. I may have made|a mistake about his gender... {26586}{26658}but not his talent. He's a great actor. {26661}{26745}He's wonderful. If you'd give us a chance.|I'll make it up to you. {26778}{26814}You'll have a good time. {26994}{27073}Gosh, Bill, they're all walking out of here.|This will ruin Millie. {27079}{27119}- Do something.|- Do what? {27307}{27338}Listen to me! {27389}{27444}Listen to me, you mangy groundhogs! {27451}{27554}This ain't no way to treat Millie.|You wouldn't have a theater without him. {27561}{27612}Can't a man make a mistake in this town? {27614}{27710}We ain't suckers. He promised us|a New York actress. Look what we got! {27803}{27903}- You got what he got!|- We don't want it. No, we don't want it! {27917}{27945}Wait a minute! {27947}{28035}He knows how disappointed you are.|Give him a chance and he'll make it up. {28041}{28101}- Won't you, Millie?|- Sure. Anything. {28105}{28161}He fooled us once, and he'll fool us again. {28197}{28238}Millie won't do nothing for us. {28274}{28370}He will. He'll get you an actress prettier|than the one you expected. {28382}{28468}- Why, he's written for her already.|- What actress? Who's he going to get? {28510}{28566}A big one. A plum big one. {28571}{28619}Who, Calam? Tell us who! {28682}{28724}We'd like to know who she is. {28742}{28796}Adelaid Adams, that's who! {28864}{28944}It sounds too good to be true,|but it better be. {28950}{28998}You've got Calamity Jane's word on it. {29002}{29078}Get back to your tables, you coyotes.|Enjoy the show! {29172}{29214}I'll make this all up to you. {29232}{29318}Adelaid Adams is in Chicago.|She wouldn't be caught dead in this town. {29352}{29432}I think I'll take a long walk|off a short precipice. {29626}{29661}Look, I figure... {29770}{29849}My death warrant, she signed.|Adelaid Adams. {29861}{29933}If you'd only promised them|any other actress. {29939}{30040}- I don't know no other actress.|- That's why they call her "Calamity." {30067}{30108}Listen, you two-bit gambler... {30114}{30203}I didn't see you come up with an idea|when the chips were down! {30250}{30354}At least you've still got a theater.|What stops you getting this Adelaid? {30358}{30452}This joint's the biggest goldmine|in Deadwood. You can afford it. {30455}{30538}- Why don't you send for her?|- Why don't I send for the Queen of Sheba? {30582}{30633}No good. They want Adelaid. {30672}{30739}Look, nothing is impossible for Calamity. {30753}{30826}Didn't she save the stage|from 100 savage Injuns? {30831}{30919}Didn't she rescue her pretty lieutenant|from a fate worse than death? {30943}{31039}Beside...
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