Nuts 2010-09-24.pdf

september

’ Celebrity

Naught y Amnes t y!

The new

Nut s

Man Cit y vs Chelsea

Kammy’s column

Nuts About Spor t

Georges St-Pierre

Ring Of Truth

Quote Me On That!

Lit tle Britain

Fallout

Mad modified Merc

’ own meat suit!

Rude News

The

Lip-Reader

Ralph Wiggum!

Glider crash!

Nut s

p59

Fallout

p10

Bedroom Babes

Our Postbag

Real Girls, Real Places

Ladies Confess

Babes of MyNuts

FEATURES

r p42

Inter view: Alex Reid

The world’s funniest

funeral homes!

Taliban shot me in

the face… and I lived!

Sophie Reade

present s… Blonde

& Booby Babes!

p64

PLUS!

Don’t Look!

Gear

Let ters

Jokes

Camera

Phone Comedy

Pop Out In Public

Striker

Fashion

Reviews

T V Guide

Pub Ammo

p38

It ’s

Kelly Brook calendar

First play on

Nut s

c ar

ca p13

We get to grips with

the new

game

Race For Recovery do their bit for Help

For Heroes. See www.brutformen.co.uk

oot y

a p54

r p20

Fifa 11

ontenatysteeverywee

Celebs confess their sins before the tabloids find out!

elebs are often up to no

good but at the moment,

our heroes are being

caught misbehaving at

an alarming rate by the tabloids.

So we’ve come up with a

solution! For one week only,

we’re having a celebrity

naughtiness amnesty, where

famous folk can admit to

their past indiscretions. As

a reward, we’ll give them a free

pass and a cheery nothing-to-

see-here wave. Just this once.

The results were surprising!

rosieones

“I want to use this chance to

confess to my clumsiness! I was

at an old boyfriend’s parents’

house when I knocked over

a bottle of red wine on their

lovely cream rug! And at a

Nuts

scottis

“Confessions? Yeah, I have

one. I have a photo of David

Hasselhoff taking a p*ss in

a bush on the main road near

my mum’s house in Eastleigh,

Hampshire. The Hoff and

I were driving down to visit my

mum for the TV show we were

filming. We were just around

the corner from mum’s house,

but he couldn’t wait. He leapt

out of the car and found a

bush. I stayed in the car and

took a photo on my phone.

I only show my closest friends!’’

shoot once, I leaned against

a glass sign and broke it. The

owners weren’t very happy

with me! So I’d like to officially

apologise to every person

whose property I’ve wrecked!”

taingi s

andal

aescorden

“If I had my way, I’d go back

and apologise to some of my

schoolteachers. I was never

vindictive but I was always

very cheeky. So I’d love the

opportunity to apologise to

them. It’s only when you’re an

adult, you realise how terrible

you were as a youngster!”

delinquen y

orraineey

“When I was a kid, I used to eat

the entire contents of my little

brother’s selection boxes on

Christmas morning and leave

him the empty wrappers!”

robbiesavae

“I was captain of my school

team and accepted bribes from

kids who wanted to play. Crisps

were the currency – I once ate

14 packets in one day!”

rget ting

s tu

se a s

anun

arryredna

“I always forget everything.

Birthdays and all that – I’m

terrible! Every year, I’ll phone

up a clothes shop on Christmas

Eve and say, ‘Quick, pack some

gear up for my wife!’ And

they’ll pack ten bags up for

me because they know I don’t

have a clue what I’m doing!”

soieoward

“I have loads of confessions

to make! The first is a sexual

one. Once, an ex-girlfriend

asked me to dress up like a nun

in the bedroom, so I obliged.

She had my outfit off in about

two minutes and we went at it

for several hours. I’ll probably

go to hell for that one!

“Second, most people

assume I’m a ‘rock chick’ but

my iPod sounds like a Turkish

disco. And the artist I’ve played

most is Hall and Oates!

“Finally, I have to confess to

my mum that the marks on the

sofa arms were from my early

masturbation experiences, not

snails, as I stated at the time!”

illi

il ly

identit y

r aud

onbiso

“I’d like to apologise to a man

called Mr Adamson, who lived

at number 37 in our street, as

I used to nick his apples. He

accused Fat Bob, who lived

at number 39, and as Fat Bob

was 24 years old, I allowed him

to take the blame. Mr Adamson

was so angry about it, he once

wrote on the side of his house,

‘Fat Bob is a robbing bastard!’

Mr Adamson’s been dead for

a while now, which is a shame.

He probably needed the

vitamins from those apples!”

niing

ale s

rofessorreen

“I once cut some chillies for

a pasta sauce, but didn’t wash

my hands afterwards. I went

for a pee and got the shock

of my life shortly after! I ended

up with my trousers and boxers

on my bed, asking my then-

girlfriend for a cold flannel

while she was on the floor

crying with laughter. I’ve never

told anybody that before!”

“In the late ’70s, I came up with

the brilliant idea of changing

my passport photo. I didn’t

like the one I already had on

there, so I stuck a new one

on top. I managed to get into

Majorca but immigration

caught me on the way back

into the UK. I was locked up

all day, until I finally convinced

them I wasn’t an illegal alien!”

teoaitis

“I can confess to this now

because they’ve closed down,

but when I was little, I used to

walk through a Woolworths on

the way to school. There was

a pick-and-mix area and we

used to call it the “pick-and-

nicks” because we’d fill our

mouths and pockets on the

way through! The police know

where I live, so I expect I’ll

get a call from them soon!”

stealing

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